Hey folks, and welcome to 2020.

In many of our past articles, I’ve shared some of the practical things you can do to explore kinky play with your lover.  Everything from blindfolds to ice cubes, and more.  But there’s another side of it that deserves just as much attention.  This is the emotional side.

When we let ourselves get a bit naughty and explore our taboos, we’re stepping into a place where we can explore our deep and forbidden desires.  We let go of some of the rules and expectations, and let loose those wild notions that have been lingering just beneath the surface, waiting for expression.

That’s why BDSM, done right, can be so incredibly healing and empowering.  It’s about giving our power over to another while in a safe space or being given the opportunity to have power over another.  When we are lovingly held in a space of surrender and trust, we learn to let go and trust ourselves more fully in other areas of life.  It becomes a healing, conscious form of power play.

Part of this comes out in how we treat our partner during play.  In many cases, humiliation can heighten the experience, deepen the role-play, or evoke a thrill of excitement.  Verbal abuse might come up, insults, mockery, ridicule, or derision, and this can seem a bit odd for those who haven’t stepped into that form of play.  And it isn’t for everyone, but think back for a second.  Maybe there’s a time where, in the mad passion of lovemaking, enjoyed a swat on the backside or being called a ‘slut’ or ‘dirty girl’ by your lover.

It may not be for everyone, but when done correctly and respectfully, a little humiliation can fan the flames and get things incredibly hot.  The key is to make sure you and your lover are in sync.  Get to know their line and make sure to honour their needs and desires during your play.  And, on the other side, make sure to communicate how you feel during the play.  If anything isn’t working for you, speak up!  This is how you can work with your partner to improve the bedroom dynamic each time you play. 

Where’s the Line?

When you bring humiliation into the bedroom, the most important thing is to know what your partner is comfortable with and to express your own limits as clearly as possible.  There’s a fine line here, and you have to observe a balancing act.

Most of us will enjoy humiliation play in some ways.  But we all have certain words that just set us off or certain things that we are extremely sensitive about.  Everyone’s different, so it’s important to have a clear conversation with your partner beforehand, to determine what’s out of bounds and what’s desirable.  Plus, when you’re getting clear beforehand, you’ll want to set some safe words to let you call a stop to the play, or slow things down when they’re getting to the edge of what you’re comfortable with.

When it comes to humiliation play, the biggest thing to watch out for is those words or situations that hit a raw nerve or damage your lover’s self-esteem.  And to make sure that you’re safeguarding your own boundaries at the same time.  Anytime your language or behaviour is actually hurtful, like an attack on their person or a traumatising experience, it crosses the line from humiliation to degradation.

With all your kinky play, the keys are awareness and sensitivity.  Keep tuned in to your partner.  Encourage them to share how they feel about your play.  And, above all, go slowly.  This lets you savour the experience while keeping everyone safe and happy.

With light and love, 

Taranga.

Let’s be honest, people.  50 Shades of Grey gets it wrong in loads of places.  But, one of the best things that it has done for us is to bring the subject of BDSM to the table.  It has opened the door for everyone, regardless of how adventurous – or how vanilla – they might be, to bring a little forbidden excitement in by discussing what BDSM is all about.  And this is huge.  In a culture where discussions of kink have been less than apropos for the last couple of centuries, we’re just now beginning to move into a place where we can take an honest look at sexuality, desire, and consent.

I just recently watched a beautiful video about this from one of my friends and associates, Mistress Tokyo.  In it, she explores the value of consent in our kink and intimate play. Consent is central to any bondage or sensory play.  It might not seem like this from the outside.  We tend to focus on the naughty or taboo bits, if we don’t have experience with the world of BDSM.  But, though issues of pain and power come into play, the core of the situation is about safety and trust.SO, when you get a bit kinky with your partner, the most important first step is to sound them out, to find out what they are ok with.

BDSM covers a wide range of different kink or sensory play, from blindfolds to ropes, spanking to subtle touch.  And it can be hugely exciting to explore this realm, bringing new worlds of exploration into your sensual play.  But, regardless of how you go about it, the first step is to ask, are you ok with this? May I spank you?  Would you like to be blindfolded?  May I bind your wrists?

The first thing is that consent doesn’t stop with the first yes.  So, so that your partner has given an ok for a bit of spanking.  Create a container.  Explore how far they would like to explore.  Would you like me to spank you like this?  Are you ok with this many swats?  Would you like to be spanked in this position?  Remember that intimate situations can bring a bit of subtle pressure with them.  If you get a hesitation or a maybe, then that’s a no.  You don’t want to pressure your partner, to say, “Just this once, or come on, you’ll like it!”  Let the play evolve naturally.  Honour your lover’s boundaries and allow them to open up naturally, in their own time.

In the process, make sure that you continue to communicate.  Before you begin your bondage play, it’s important to have set up safe words.  A safe word is something that you can say that will immediately end the “scene,” the sexual play.  Another great way to go about it is to use the traffic light system. Green means “Keep on going!  This is awesome!”, yellow means “slow down, pace yourself” and red means “stop”.  Always listen and let your partner determine the pace and depth of the play.

Consent is central to all forms of interaction, from casual connection to sensual touch to kinkier and more delicious forms of intimacy.  And, although you might not realise it if you haven’t explored the world of bondage and sensory play yourself, it’s all about trust.  On the surface, you give up your power and surrender to another.  In the process, you open up to new feeling, new excitement.  And, when playing with someone that you can really trust, there’s an element of deep healing that comes in as well.

If you’d like to know more about bondage, consent, or kink, feel free to reach out.  I love to share these new realms with those I work with, to open them up to deeper levels of passion and embodiment.  If you’re curious and you’d like to explore, give me a call.

In love and light,

Taranga

There are lots of elements to health.  Diet, exercise, sleep levels, social connections, the list goes on.  But one of the biggest parts of health has more to do with our minds than our bodies.  Psychological health is about being open to new experiences.  It’s about being less afraid of rejection and less paranoid about others’ opinions of us.  Basically, it’s about being happy and well-equipped to live a satisfying life on all levels.

For a long time, it was assumed that BDSM and kink were connected with an unhealthy or aberrant mind.  Thankfully, even the scientific community is waking up around this topic.  We’re beginning to recognise that the opposite could be true.  People who bring kink and BDSM into their love life are often more comfortable with themselves than those who practice plain vanilla sex.  They tend to show higher levels of well-being and a stronger sense of security in their relationships.

Science isn’t good at finding reasons for this, but it’s not too hard to understand some of the possibilities.  When we begin to explore taboo, we allow ourselves to think about what we really want to experience.  We become more honest with ourselves about our desires and about what turns us on.  And another big step is talking about it.  To share a healthy kinky relationship with your partner, you have to be open to communicating with them.  Instead of keeping our real feelings hidden, we have to share from a vulnerable place and explore our boundaries, to be willing to look into things that we may enjoy, whether society has conditioned us to accept them or not.

Just like with anything in life, there’s no one right way to do it.  But just being willing to talk about how we feel, what turns us on, and what we’re interested in gives us an opportunity for deeper self-knowledge and more sexual satisfaction.  And, one of the really beautiful things about this for those who are new to kinky exploration is that everyone out there has some of these “taboo” desires, or at least curiosities.  As soon as you get past the awkwardness of sharing with your partner, you’ll find that they have had some of these fantasies as well.  This is a key to accepting ourselves on deeper levels and moving past fear of rejection.

So, what’s the takeaway here?  Is it time to break out the handcuffs and start bringing spanking into the bedroom?  Well, maybe.  But it can be just as helpful to have an honest discussion with your partner about things that you are curious about.  This is a great place to start because it lets you explore your boundaries and learn where exploration can be comfortable and fun for both of you.  Plus, it can get into some really stimulating dirty talk or exciting fantasies, which you can then play out as far as you feel ready to do so.

BDSM is about consent and communication.  It’s about creating a safe space for you both to explore, to express yourselves openly and let go of some of the roles and expectations that can make our sensual play go stale and stagnant.  So take a chance and have a chat.  Think about what you would like to experience and open the floor for your partner to share some of their desires as well.  You can keep it as mild as you like, or let yourself explore more deeply.  Whatever you are comfortable with.

In love and light,

Taranga

We’re coming close to the end of the year, and I’ve been reflecting on all the changes that the year has brought.  So, I decided to do something a little different with this article and give you all a peek into the inner workings of my business.

I’m blessed to be able to do work that I love.  You all know how much I value touch.  It helps us to get into our bodies, to unlock feeling and step into our deepest pleasure.  And, as a practitioner, that’s what I want to spend my time on, touching bodies and making others feel great.  But, to keep that going there are lots of little details behind the scenes that have to be addressed, just like with any business.

To make my services available to you and all of my clients, one of the biggest keys is the website.  And, with a website comes SEO upkeep, regular blogs and fresh content.  The photos have to be changed to keep things current, content changes to reflect current deals and events.  You may know already about my two websites, bondassagebliss.com and blissrising.com.  I’m excited to share that I’ve just launched a new site, ladiesandhens.com.au, to showcase my lingam massage Hens Parties and other events.  Part of the excitement comes from finally seeing it come together after putting a massive amount of work into it.  And, the work is just beginning, as this means three websites to maintain instead of two.

So, moving on to the other little details, keeping up with the scheduling means that the emails are coming in pretty steadily and the phone is none-stop at times.  And the social media side of things requires a bit of attention: Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus.  None of these do any good without keeping a regular presence.  Add to that printing up cards and getting them out there, doing advertising, writing and sending newsletters.  Branding a new business model, taking new photos and uploading the images.  It seems like as soon as one thing’s been taken care of, there’s another that needs attention.

So, this was just a quick blog to let you know about some of the stuff that happens behind the scenes.  I’m always changing, creating content to educate and inform, and exploring new ways to make the healing power of touch available to you all.  Since I am addressing the business side of things, this is a perfect time to remind you of some of my services.  If you’re on the lookout for bondage, BDSM, or kinky massage in Sydney, I’ve got you covered.  Reach out if you have any questions or you’d like to book an appointment.

It’s taken some time for my building to grow to this point, and even though it requires some upkeep, it’s a huge blessing.  I’m grateful to all of you that I work with now and over the years.  I want to thank you for sharing in this journey with me. 

In love and light

Taranga