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Jul 032017

We live in a busy world.  Lots of pressures, lots of demands, and it can be easy to get caught in a cycle.  Rushing from one thing to the next, and thinking about what’s ahead the whole time.  On top of that, since we were young, we’ve been surrounded by “shoulds” and “ought tos”, things that are ok, and things that aren’t.

The result, all too often, is that we live in our heads.  Focused on something in the future rather than what’s right here in front of us.  Thinking, planning, strategising, making stories.  Worrying about things that haven’t happened and might never happen.  About what we should do or say.  Playing games and roles, sometimes without ever realising that we’re going through the motions.  Wearing masks even in front of ourselves.  And cutting off that sense of feeling which makes life meaningful, joyful, exciting, and truly worth living.

This is what I love about tantra, about Bondassage, about holding space for others to move into a greater depth of feeling.  It happens naturally, as soon as we allow ourselves to slow down.  Once we let go of what the future might bring, even for just a moment, once we start to tune into our sensations, our feelings, a huge weight begins to ease off, one that we might not even have realised we were carrying around.

It goes deeper, too.  So often we’re taught that our desires are wrong.  That we shouldn’t feel this, shouldn’t want that.  But making our feelings and desires wrong doesn’t make them go away.  They are a part of us, signals from within that guide us to fulfil our needs, to step into the joy and vitality life has to offer us.

Tantra is a practice of allowing, accepting, of coming to feel that all parts of us are welcome in this moment, and in each moment.  And, though there might be some understandings connected with it, the core of the process is feeling.  Getting into the body, getting present, using the most sensual aspect of our experience as a medium for moving past our judgment of ourselves, for moving into acceptance on the deepest level, in this moment and each moment.

When we’re living in our heads, in the future, stuck in intellect and judgment, we get tight.  We contract, closing our feelings down, both emotionally and in the body.  But a beautiful, conscious, sensual experience can help us to open up, to let the tightness ease off, and to begin feeling again.  Emotions that have been bottled up for ages come flooding out.  Tensions that we’ve been holding in our bodies slip away, and a sense of peaceful presence comes in that makes every aspect of life more enjoyable, richer and more dynamic.

Our natural state is orgasmic, filled with joy and gratitude for all the richness and beauty of the moment.  And the key to coming back is feeling, allowing, accepting.  Opening up to allow all that life to offer us to come in.  And it’s easy, really.  Fun.  Juicy.  Exciting.  The deepest and most lasting gift we can give ourselves is the willingness to show up for ourselves, right now.  Right here.  To drop our judgment and control, and simply allow our feeling sense of guide the way.

Jun 012017

This is a topic that’s close to my heart, one that I’m glad to be able to share with you.  One reason is that on the surface, tantra and BSDM might be seen as completely different ways of exploring ourselves and our sexuality.  Another is that there’s a hunger for this knowledge in the BDSM world, a desire to understand how to take our play further, how to make it whole, healing, and spiritual.

When kink is brought up, it might conjure images of whips and chains, or more extreme forms of power play.  And tantra, though also associated with sex, might seem even more mysterious and taboo.  Where is the intersection point?  Are they even related at all?

In a word: yes.  Intimately.  BDSM and tantra are both deep explorations of ourselves, ways to unlock our sensual, sexual natures.  They each help us to move past the surface values of life and bring in more energy, more awareness, more expansion, and more bliss.

The key is feeling.  Really feeling.  Getting out of our heads and into our bodies, tuning in to the subtle levels of sensation and energy that race through our beings.  Tantra tends to explore this from the level of energy.  Breath, sound, and motion.  How energy builds and moves within us, and how to move with it.  And to do this, we need to surrender.  To truly let go, and to allow the body, the sensation, and the feeling to guide us.  And, once we can surrender and tune in, we begin to tap into a level of vitality, joy, confidence, and authenticity that we never expected possible, and one that extends to every level of life.

And what about BDSM?  It’s a process of surrender.  It’s a way to play with all levels of sensation, building energy and feeling in the body.  We play with all forms of touch – strokes and feather-light touches, light to hard strokes, temperature, pressure of all forms and varieties, different sensations over the entire body.  Kink and sensory play give us the opportunity to touch consciously, directed by the energy, tuned in to one another and to the sensation on the deepest level.

One of my favourite ways of working with this is through Bondassage.  Restraints play with trust and surrender.  They help us to let go, to drop all thought of performance and simply be with the feeling.  Any form of restraint with a loving, conscious partner can be deeply healing, allowing us to move past the chronic need to do and control, helping us to drop fully into the present moment.  Blindfolds allow us to release the need to see, the need to know what’s happening and to engage on a mental level.  The receiver’s awareness is brought to the sensations rising within and playing across the body, no need to act, to perform, to plan, to do.  Surrender and feel.  Just Be.

Also, any form of BDSM is just as much an art of presence for the conscious, caring giver as it is for the receiver.  To provide amazing sensual experiences to a partner, we have to tune in to them on the deepest level, to follow the energy within ourselves, and to observe how it moves within them.

This is the core of tantra.  It is an exploration of our energy, unlocking feelings, expanding awareness, coming into the moment, and following where it leads.  Dropping out of the mind and into the heart, into the body.

Any time we listen within, tuning into the sensation and allowing ourselves to move with it, we are stepping into a tantric way of being.  We are tapping into our subtle energies, our Shakti force, our Chi, the creative force at the core of our beings. This is a deeply healing and vitalising experience.  It’s a movement beyond form or expectation and into an exquisite, organic dance of energy, feeling, and life.

May 022017

Maybe you’ve had a desire or two hanging around in the corner of your mind, a little something naughty that might be fun to explore.  But when’s the right time to bring it up?  When is it right to step outside our routines and bring a bit more excitement into our relationships and lives?  The answer: now.  Every moment is a chance to start something new.  Each moment is an opportunity to set out on an adventure, think outside the box, and explore something you’ve been wanting to experience.

It’s time to take stock of those hidden desires and taboo pleasures to see how we can bring a new spark into our relationships.  The beautiful thing is that you don’t need to be a bondage expert to give an amazing bondassage session.  Just give it a go, tap into some imagination and get a basic understanding around your partner’s needs and desires.  Explore some tools you’d like to bring into the sensual play, get started, and away you go!

You can offer your partner a whole range of different sensual touches with just what you have around the house.  The flat of a hairbrush is beautiful for a little light spanking, or a touch harder if that’s where the energy wants to go.  And a light stroke with a toothbrush or the tines of a fork can send chills throughout the whole body.  The drape of a light scarf along the skin can be exquisite.  And bringing fruit or chocolate into the bedroom can be deliciously exciting.  Just think about how it might feel to have passionfruit drizzled over your body and then sensually licked off with your lover’s tongue.  So challenge yourself to look around, do a little kinky brainstorming, and see what you come up with together.  Even just having the conversation around the things you’d like to bring into your sensual play can be enough to get the blood boiling.

And, if you’re having some trouble thinking of some new ways to play, you can get a book and read it together, following the instructions at first, and then seeing where things want to go.  There’s a range of beautiful works on the subject, and even exploring what you can find together is a great way to explore new ideas and open the floor to share some secret desires with your partner.  Some of my favourite pieces to explore with a lover are The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand and Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas.  Both are sensual and thrilling, perfect for a couple to begin their exploration of bondage and sensual play.

Of course, if you’d like to fast track your way to picking up juicy new things to share in the bedroom, you can always find a practitioner of the sensual arts.  This can be exciting to share in its own way, and a luscious gift to the relationship.  All it really takes is to get started, tune in to your own needs and desires, and listen to your partner share their own.  Once you get going, you’ll find new ideas coming thick and fast, and this brings in a whole new level of exciting exploration into the partnership.

So, what would you like to experience?  And what would you like to share with your partner?  What juicy new sensual adventures can you set out on together?  Just challenge yourself to think outside the box and bring in some imagination, and you’ll be amazed how thrilling things can get!

Apr 012017

It’s time to debunk a myth that some of us have picked up: sex is not simply for the young.  In fact, it can continue to be fulfilling throughout life.  Even more, sex can improve with age!  And it might have once been taboo to be open with our sexual nature, but those days are gone.  At any age it’s beautiful to share openly and playfully, relating needs and desires to a partner and opening the door for them to share as well.

Some think that desire diminishes with age, but this isn’t the case.  Certainly there are changes that happen in the body.  It might take more time to reach full arousal and to become fully lubricated.  But who’s rushing?  One of the beauties of entering our golden years is that we have more time.  The kids have grown up, the work is behind us, and we can move into our sensual play without distractions or interruptions.

Once we’re older, we know our bodies better.  We know what works for us and what doesn’t.  Sex can be great when you’re younger, but it’s often driven mostly by hormones.  As we get older, sharing of sensual play is more emotional fulfilling, a way to rekindle the passion in a long marriage or deepen a beautiful new relationship.  Also, once we have a bit of life experience under our belt, we tend to let go of ideas about performance and expectation, letting ourselves be really present to the experience.  Most older men know that there’s plenty more to do in the bedroom than just intercourse, and they love to please, to savour the experience, touch, kiss, lick, and caress.  And for older women, the body is often even more sensitive after menopause.  Orgasms can become even more intense than they were in the younger years.

One thing that should be mentioned is that taboos are out the window.  Having more time and more desire means that we have a chance to explore all those things we never experienced before.  Toys, tying, and spanking, role-play and dirty talk.  Openly expressing our sexuality is something exciting and bold.  There’s an entire world of kink to discover, and it’s all fun, exciting, deliciously naughty, and perfectly acceptable.  At any age.

Dating is also something without age limits.  It might take a bit of courage once we get older to step out into the dating game, but online dating services and dating apps are great to close the gap and meet people open to connecting and excited to explore a new relationship.  Society no longer frowns upon older women dating younger men.  Friends with benefits can be deeply exciting and fulfilling.  There are no real boundaries other than those we create for ourselves.

One of the best things about staying sexually active as we get older is that it makes us healthier and happier.  Sex burns fat, improves physical and emotional healthy, increases lifespan, and improves our relationships.  There are no downsides.  It’s beautiful to really own your sexuality, no matter how many years you’ve been on the planet.  So open up, enjoy, and let the later years bring in the best love life you’ve ever had.

Mar 032017

I had a beautiful experience recently.  I attended the Sydney Festival of Really Good Sex, and while roaming through the festival, I came across a workshop called Foot Pampering and Foot Fetish by Mynx and Kinta.  This definitely caught my attention, as my feet have always been a sensual and erotic spot for me.

The workshop gave me the opportunity to experience bastinado, a form of impact play where the sub’s feet are whipped.  I offer this service to my clients, but this was the first time that I received a session myself.  Experiencing it first-hand brought it to the next level for me.  I found that I love to have my feet paddled, and that I could handle quite a bit more pain than I initially thought.  More than that, it was exciting, in that tingly, wake up the senses and get the little shivers of delight going sort of way.

The session began with a foot wash and sensual massage, and my partner at the time was delicate and present.  I really appreciated this as my feet are very sensitive.  I am the dominant in the sessions I offer, so it was delightful to let go and step into the submissive role.  I allowed myself to really give up control and be held, and my partner showed me through his attentiveness and gentleness that I was fully held.  I loved having someone take me by the feet, worship them.  That alone was beautiful.

After the massage, we moved on to the bastinado.  My partner began with light strokes, working with a thin paddle.  Like with most impact play, there were a number of implements on hand, different sizes of paddles and canes.  I thought the cane might be a bit much for me, and it turned out the thin paddle was perfect.  With each stroke, I gave my partner permission to go harder, loving the sensation zinging through my body each time the paddle struck.  I even loved the sound, a soft “thud” accompanying the bursts of feeling.

The feeling was sensual and deeply personal.  It’s impossible to really describe it, but I can say it felt amazing.  Each touch and strike left me wanting more.  About halfway through, Mistress Mynx came and took over the session.  She held my toes to keep from paddling them, and brought the intensity up slowly, becoming a bit more forceful with each paddle.  I allowed her to go rather hard, which surprised me.  In her expert hands, the pain become something truly sensual and deeply exciting.  I never realised I would enjoy it so much.  Mistress Mynx was pleased as well – she told me that I have very receptive feet.

The whole experience was enlightening and fun.  I found that bastinado play doesn’t have to equal pain, that it can be light and sensual as well.  It can be taken to whatever degree really turns you on.  I love exploring new things, and this one was surprisingly delicious.  We all have our kinks, and it’s amazing when we find one that really gets us going.  I’ve always had a foot fetish, but bastinado took it to another level. 

So, that was my first session, but it definitely won’t be my last.  And I’m even more excited to be sharing this with my clients as well, helping them to explore their kinks and providing new delight.

Happy bastinado, everyone!

Feb 012017

How many times a day do you check your email?  Facebook?  Text or answer texts?  Check the phone to see if anything new has come in?

It isn’t just the digital world that monopolises our attention.  Every time we turn around, something pops up that urgently demands our attention.  Something else to do, someone else to talk to.  Something to watch or listen to.  The frantic pace of things can keep us busy from the time we wake up in the morning until the moment we lay down for the night.

We have control over our response to the world, but often we can’t see it.  We get so swept up in the current of life’s demands that we go on autopilot, and sometimes just need to numb out so we don’t have to keep tuned in to the next thing we have to do.  Which is another distraction, another way to miss what’s really happening for us and within us.

But what if you could take an hour, two hours, a whole night, and just let go?  What if you didn’t have to do anything, didn’t have to respond to anyone, if you could just be for that time?  Time enough to sit with yourself and tune in.  Time enough to feel what’s coming up, and to let the swirl of thoughts slow down and still.

But that’s hard, right?  How could we just unplug and let the world move without jumping in to move it along?  We’re so programmed to keep moving that sometimes we actually need a little help in slowing down.  A little help in “being” instead of doing.  This is what lockdown is all about.

It’s an honour to offer the lockdown experience for my clients this year.  For those who would like help in letting go, in slowing down, in dropping that obsessive need to take control of life and the decisions of the moment, I create a space where you can just be.  You can surrender and take time out, nowhere to go, nothing to do.  Just Being.

We use control against ourselves so often in life.  Taking hold of all the myriad details, grabbing the tiger by the tail and holding on for dear life.  But all it does is wear us out.  An endless bid for control providing a fleeting illusion of security.  And since change is the only constant, it begins to escalate.  More time, more control, more effort spent distracting ourselves from those discomforts within until…  Wham!  We get sick, or get tired, or break down, or drop the ball.

There’s only one way around it.  Just stop.

The world won’t fall down around you.  And you’ll finally have the chance to tune in to you, to the only person you absolutely have to spend every moment of your life with.  At first, we strain against it.  We try to find something to occupy the attention.  We try to find some distraction to cling to.  But with time, the magical ingredient.  Things start to slow down.  We find ourselves relaxing.  We find a bit of space between the thoughts and relax into where we are.  Into the present and what’s happening for us right now.  We start to hear those little voices and insights that have been drowned out by the chaos, and things start to come into focus.

Life finally starts to come into focus when we let go.  And this is what I’m offering.  A bit of time to un-program the rush and the busy-ness.  To move into the eye of the hurricane and find the stillness we all crave, whether we know it or not.  Surrender is victory.

If this is something that speaks to you, reach out to me here.

In love and light,


Dec 042016

merry-christmas-from-bondassage-blissBlessings and good cheer to all for this holiday season. The time has come again, the moments we set aside for connection with family, good food, and celebration of all the year has brought. Time to tap in to our gratitude for the things we have and look forward to another year.

Let’s all remember to pamper ourselves and fit in a relaxing moment or two. As beautiful as the holiday season can be, it can also spin us around quite a bit. In the midst of family chaos and gift-gathering, we all need some time to give back to ourselves. And it feels like his year has been a bit more chaotic than most, with lots of irons in the fire and not enough time to bring them all to fruition. Plenty of growth, and many opportunities to learn to flow with the unexpected events of life.

Bondassage Bliss has been expanding through the year, finding its balance point and opening me and others to new realms of sensuality. I’m excited to be holding several Bondassage training sessions over the course of the following year. These trainings offer the gift of adventure and the opportunity to explore new avenues of pleasure. Bondassage trainings help you to connect with your sensuality and deepen your relationship, to learn the art of both pleasuring and being pleasured in ways you never imagined possible. This training is perfect both for a personal exploration into tantric BDSM and to become a practitioner, sharing the gift of sensuality with others on a professional level. I’ve posted training dates on the website and you’re welcome to message me if you’d like to discuss individual training.

Another new service I’m excited to share is the lockup. This is an opportunity to surrender and completely relinquish control, to experience sensual punishment, or to completely de-stress and enjoy solitude. The lockup session caters to the individual; what you get is exactly what you need. I am honoured to hold this sacred and healing space of total lockdown, and it has worked wonders for those who have received this experience from me. I will be offering a one hour session up to and overnight sessions.

You will see them featured on the website in the beginning of the year.

Most of all, I’d like to offer a thanks to the wonderful clients and playpersons who have shared experiences with me over the year. I feel privileged in helping each of you explore your desire and sensuality, helping you connect with your wild sensual side and surrender into depths of new excitement. Most of all, I’m honoured by the trust you have shown in opening so deeply, in allowing me to hold this space of vulnerability and pleasure.

My hope for the coming year is to open deeper into my own being, to step into the flow of life, explore all of those aspects of myself which call for attention, and live the fullest experience I can. What are your wishes this holiday season? Your deepest desires? And will you give yourself permission to explore them?

Sexy, sensual holidays to you all.

Nov 012016

honouring-the-limitBondage play is an exploration, an excursion into sensual realms that are outside the fold of ‘vanilla’ play.  And, in the process of exploration, we each have our limits, an edge that becomes uncomfortable when we pass it.  Respecting our lover’s limit keeps our play hot and healthy, and the key is communication.

Having a pre-play discussion about our limits is helpful, but since bondage is an exploration of unchartered sensual territory, safe words are the way to go.  A safe word is a verbal cue that lets your partner know that things have pushed past the point of comfort.

But why set up a cue at all?  Isn’t it enough to yell “No!” or “Stop!”  when we come up to a limit?  Well, sometimes during the sexual exploration, these words can be part of the play.  Sometimes, when we yell “stop,” we really mean “don’t stop.”  It can be part of the “character” for us to struggle and resist.  A safe word is a cue that doesn’t come up in the normal course of conversation, a word that we agree upon to establish boundaries for the play while letting the role-play go as far as we like.

A safe word can be any verbal cue that we agree upon, but the ones most commonly used are traffic-light signals.  Shouting “green!” can be a cue to encourage your partner, while “amber!” is used to tell your lover that things have suddenly become borderline.  “Red!” is an instant signal that you want to step out of the scenario.  These cues are the default signals recognized by dungeon masters/mistresses.

Things can get a bit trickier if a person is bound and gagged, but in these situations, you can create non-verbal safe words.  Some signals that can be used in these situations are dropping a bell or a ball, snapping the fingers, or opening and closing the hands repeatedly.  A different option is to use three clear and rhythmic grunts as a sign to stop or slow down.  Another beautiful way to keep communication clear is for the dominant to place a finger in the subs hand.  A squeeze of the finger can let the dominant know that it’s fine to continue.

Some of the most extreme forms of domination and submission involve moving past these limits, but the guiding principle is “safe, sane, and consensual.”  Taking the time to communicate what we know about our limits and what we’re open to exploring is the first step.  Following this up with clear safe words allows the play to be taken as far as we want in the moment.

Fun and safe explorations to you all!

Oct 012016

never-too-lateI had a friend pass away recently. It was one of those things that came as a bit of a shock. Left me not quite sure how to feel, and I found some heavy thoughts floating through. He was the same age as me, and I couldn’t help but reflect on my own life. If I were to die right now, how would I feel about it?

Life is precious. It’s a gift, every moment of it. An opportunity to step out and live, to be, fully and unapologetically. I want to live without regrets, able to look back upon my life and know that I have lived, that I have dared to reach into the depths and embrace all of who I am. On every front. I want my life to be one that’s been lived to the fullest. No regrets, no aspect of myself that I have left unexplored. For any reason.

In looking back, I can see that I’ve spent long spaces of my life holding back. I held back and hid because of fear, because of the expectation of judgment, because of how I thought I should act, or what I thought I shouldn’t do. I feel like this is something we all do to some degree, many of us spending years or even decades hiding and playing it safe, doing the “oughts” and “shoulds”, keeping those juicy little parts of ourselves in the dark, sometimes until it’s too late.

In a way, these thoughts brought me to a liberating space. Life is too short to let any fears or any judgments get in the way of living. At the same time, while we’re still alive, it’s never too late. At any moment, we can let go of fear and step into those exciting spaces that beg to be experienced, into all those fantasies that call for our attention and wait for us to live them out. Nothing can hold any of us back but ourselves. The time is now, and it’s the only time we have.

While all of these thoughts were swirling around in the back of my mind, I ran across a beautiful article in the Huffington post. Read it here.

This is the inspiring account of a sixty-year old dominatrix, shown fully in her power and glory. Magnificent, sensual, and gorgeous. Living her fantasies and sharing them with the world. I don’t think anyone who looks at her would say that she’s too old to live out her mistress. She’s stunning, and age is irrelevant. Her beauty comes from the full embrace of her power, no apologies, and no holding back. It comes through with a sense of joy and vibrancy, a sense of full aliveness that makes age a non-issue. This shows me what is possible for me, and for each of us.

My takeaway is that it’s never too late to indulge all of those secret fantasies that float through our minds. While we’re still alive, the world is our oyster. This is the message that’s dropping in for me at the moment, and one that I’d like to share with each of you. If you have a dom inside that’s been hiding out all these years, the time is now. If there’s a mistress that whispers from the back of your mind, flitting juicy little thoughts of sensual play through in those uncensored moments, let her out. There’s a whole world of sexuality and sensation, power and surrender, a rich and vibrant aspect of life and relating that heals, awakens, and empowers each of us if we allow it to enter our lives.

As I look out, I see the sun shining brightly, feel the wind on my face, hear the leaves rustling. The world feels rich and full of life. And I feel a juicy little rumbling inside. My inner mistress wants to come out and play. And I’m going to let her.

Sep 022016

We all know about the main pleasure zones, the areas where sexual attention is often given and received.  But did you know that there are a host of other areas on the body that can be used to excite and delight?  Knowing just how to touch your lover can heighten the intensity of your lovemaking and exploring these areas together can liven up your love life more than you might expect.

The primary erogenous zones, just to keep our terminology clear, are the mouth, breasts and genitals.  These are the ones we’re all familiar with, but focusing only on these areas can let the action go a bit stale.  The worst thing that can happen in an otherwise loving relationship is to let the sexual play fall into a routine.  So what are the other areas of the body that get the blood rushing and the juices flowing?

The secondary erogenous zones are a bit less obvious, but they still fall into the category of the classically sexy.  Spending a bit of time in these areas is sure to put your lover (or yourself) in the mood.  And if there is enough build-up, they may even be enough to take them over the top. They include:

  • Earlobes
  • Nape of the neck
  • Inside of the thigh
  • Base of the spine
  • Space where the buttock meets the top of the thigh

That’s not all though.  There’s a third layer of pleasure zones in the body, ones that you might not expect without a bit of inside knowledge.  The tertiary erogenous zones are:

  • Outside surface of the little finger
  • Centre of the palm
  • Nostrils
  • Ear canal
  • Sole of the foot
  • Big toe
  • Back of the knee
  • Navel
  • Anus

These are the mains ones, but there are a few others that bear mention.  The scalp and the inside of the elbow are brought alive to the touch.  The fingers are especially sensitive and it’s an almost taboo delight to give loving attention to the underarm, an area full of pheromones and amazingly sensitive.

Avoid getting into a pattern.  Let the attention flow over the body, a touch here, a deliciously sensual slide of a tongue there and you can find the pleasure building to new heights.  What’s more, giving sensual and erotic attention to your partner’s whole body is one of the ways to really show your love.  Take your time and explore, letting each moment of intimacy be a step on the journey of sensual connection.  And receiving this kind of attention from someone who really knows your body and wants to make you feel alive is one of the most exciting experiences we can have.

Real intimacy is all about sharing, feeling and opening up.  Allowing yourself to be present with your lover in new and exciting ways every time you connect.  Exploring all of their delicious hidden pleasure zones (and exploring yours in return) is a beautiful and fun way to deepen the connection, intensify the pleasure you share and keep things fresh.

Happy explorations and beautiful sensual moments!