Sex and power: taking the blinders off

It’s always been there.

That sneaky little secret. That tiny lurking desire, right at the corner of your mind’s eye.

You know the one I’m talking about. The one that wishes that your lover would just push you down on the bed, slip your panties off and slide their tongue between your legs. Tease you until you can’t help yourself and you’re screaming to have them inside you. Or maybe that edge of intense craving that makes you want to turn over, pin them down and take them like you want them.

Sex and power.

There’s a primal side to our nature and it needs to be expressed. Honoured. And every once in a while, when we drop the polite act, the good behaviour we’ve been trained to along the way, our primal side gets to come out and play. We reach out and press our lover down, envelop them with the intensity of our desire and take them. Or they do the same to us.

This primal nature, the animal intensity within, is part of being human. And it’s an amazing part, if not one of the greatest joys of being alive. In fact, it is the source of our life force, our joy and drive, our will and healing. Sex is an act of sharing, of expressing some of our deepest desires, showing our most vulnerable, most intense, most passionate selves. And at the core, this deals with power. Both taking and giving it away.

This is what Bondassage and what all of BDSM is really about. It’s an opportunity to honour these secret passions, to look our deepest nature in the face and give it full expression. It’s a chance to move into a place of acceptance of these desires, as healthy and right. As part of what it means to be a vital, empowered and sensitive human being.

When we trust ourselves to step out of our everyday, ordinary roles, we allow ourselves to move into spontaneous, exciting and passionate depths, to places that polite society says we’re not supposed to talk about.

We give ourselves permission to take control and to give control of ourselves to another.

This means shining a light on those hidden desires and letting them be seen. And it means moving into a place of trust. Trusting ourselves to act from those depths of intensity and to be received. Trusting our lover to take control and show us how healing and exciting it can be to really let go.

Society has cast a shadow on these more primal sides of being human, on being sexually authentic, free and empowered. But this shadow is undeserved. Those who have dipped into the deeper side of their beings are healthier and more comfortable with themselves. They know who they are and what they want, and they know that, regardless of anything we’ve been programmed to believe, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Authenticity and consciousness in relating is more than just being honest and calm when explaining what’s been bothering you. It also means letting yourself explore those juicy exciting bits of sensuality, within yourself and in your partner. It means opening the doors that were locked for no good reason and letting the energy move you, in whatever way that it wants to. Sincerity means screaming your pleasure at the top of your lungs and knowing that it’s beautiful for this ecstasy to be moving through your body, your voice and your entire being.

Let yourself be, and accept yourself exactly as you are. In all those passionate, primal moments. In every way that your passion wants to express itself through you. Let yourself be fully human, fully alive and fully free.