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Apr 042019

It’s incredibly exciting to bring some variety and kink into the bedroom.  Bringing some delicious new sensual play into your experience can breathe new life into a relationship or bring an already awesome intimate connection to new heights of delight.  But this can be intimidating, too.  Where do we start?  If it’s new territory, it’s only natural to be a bit nervous or awkward.  So here are a few tips for helping you to explore this new space, to step into it like a pro so your lover can relax and get the most out of the experience.

1. Make it about them

This is a big one.  Sometimes we fall into old patterns.  I do this, you do that.  And we both get something out of the experience.  And then once it’s over, we’re wondering if we’ve performed well, if it was good for them, etc.  Instead of focusing on the sensations, we’ve gotten lost in mind and expectations.

The best way to avoid this pitfall is to set up a time for one person to receive, and the other to give.  Let the receiver just relax and focus on the sensations and energies of the moment.  And let the giver tune in to their lover, focusing completely on worshipping their body and giving them the most incredible experience they can have.  If it goes further, amazing.  But that’s not the goal.  Just let the energy take the experience where it wants to go.

2. Set and Setting

Believe it or not, how you set up the room can have a big impact on your sensual play.  The goal here is to arrange the environment for the most comfort possible.  Relaxed, comfortable lighting is ideal.  Try to get the temperature just right, warm and comfortable without being too hot.  Make sure that the space is clear so that nothing is in the way.  And make the preparations beforehand.  Have the oils ready and warmed, bring in any toys, restraints, blindfolds, or other implements that you’d like to have on hand during the session.  By the time your lover enters the room, you want the mood set so that they’re ready to relax and surrender to the experience.  Even if you’ve discussed preferences beforehand (which is really important), you want the moment itself to be a romantic surprise.

3. Eliminate distractions

There’s no one way to do a Bondassage session or sensual massage for your lover.  But, one key is to make it easy for them to let go and become absorbed in the feeling.  Blindfolds are a great way to ease into this, especially if this is a new experience for you.  Visual input can distract us and make it easier to go into the mind instead of the body.  So, consider investing in a comfortable blindfold that blocks out light and keeps your lover wondering where the next touch will land.  Headphones are another great addition.  Go for a pair that’s high-quality – and again, comfortable – and play soft, sensual music for your lover to relax into.  This combination will help your partner to tune in to the body and nothing else.  It’s amazing how much it heightens sensation.

4. Use the right massage oil!

This is easy to overlook, but pretty important.  The oil should be organic, or at the very least edible.  You want to be able to take your time, making it slow, intentional, and supremely intimate.  And, you want to be able to grace your partner’s skin with kisses, tongue, and lips.  One of the best options for this is organic virgin coconut oil.  It lasts for the length of the massage, and it’s healthy for the body and the skin.  Make sure to warm it up beforehand.  Just place the bottle under a faucet with warm water for a few minutes before you begin.  

5. Plan for a variety of different sensations

Here’s one place where you can get really creative.  You don’t have to invest in a bunch of different toys to bring in sensations.  Consider using a light scarf to graze your lover’s skin.  Or using the tines of a fork to lightly trace different parts of their body.  Fur or a feather can bring in a luscious, teasing sensation.  And, if you have discussed this beforehand, you might enjoy some more intense sensory play, like some light spanking or a vibrator.  Temperature can be delicious in these spaces as well.  You can use an ice cube to let drops fall on your lover’s skin.  And you don’t have to confine your touch to toys.  You can create all sorts of different sensations with the hands alone.  Light touches with the fingertips, deeper pressure with the palms, friction on both sides of the legs or arms to bring in heat and treat the body to a new feeling.  Lips, tongue, and breath bring in an even broader variety of touches, letting you cascade your lover with all manner of juiciness.  Tune in and see what they enjoy in the moment!

6. Take it slow!

Remember, you aren’t rushing to an orgasm.  This is a moment to serenade your lover with sensation.  You’ll probably end up focusing on the erogenous zones and genitals as the experience builds, but let the experience take you there in its own time.  Give loving attention to your partner’s entire body.  Massage the shoulders, hands, feet, arms, and legs.  Spend time on the buttocks and back.  Build the sensation gradually and bring it slowly into the sexier spaces.  And, once things start to get really hot, pull back.  And then build it up again.  This is edging, bringing the sensation close to orgasm over and over until your lover can’t take it anymore and explodes with delight!  The slower you go, the more intense this release will be.  Invite feedback so your partner can tell you what feels good, what they want more of, and where they would like to be touched.

7. Bring some full body connection into the experience

At some point, your partner’s entire body will be covered in oil.  You’ve worked all the way up from their toes to their head or from the head on down.  One beautiful addition to the experience is to bring your own body into connection with theirs.  You can slide your chest against their legs, back or belly, bringing your whole body into the massage and create a luscious sensual experience for both of you.  This is also a fun way to move into position for some passionate kissing.  It’s incredibly hot to feel your lover in full contact with you, nothing in between and focused only on the feeling of skin against skin.

So now you’ve got some pointers, and you’re ready to play!  Try out these tips and see where they take you.  Remember to get creative and to tune in to your partner through the whole experience.  Each person is different, and we may want different feelings on one day than we do on another, or even from one moment to the next.

If you’d like some more pointers or to experience a Bondassage session for yourself, feel free to reach out. 

With love and light,


Dec 012018

So, we’ve touched upon this before, but it deserves a little reminder.  Have you ever imagined being tied up while your lover teases you to the very edge of ecstasy and beyond?  Thought of a delightfully firm smack on the ass between sexy stimulation?  Maybe you’d like to be on the giving end, tying your lover and edging them until they can’t think straight.  A little bit of bondage, a blindfold, some sensory play.  Maybe you’d like to go even further, indulging forbidden desires that have crept through the very edge of your thoughts, but never been allowed to express themselves?

The thing is, if we’re really honest, every single person in the world has these taboo thoughts.  They are a part of who we are.  Completely natural and, believe it or not, as healthy as can be.  We’re built to get a little wild, to play the edge and tap into a bit of deliciousness.  Or some overwhelming waves of sensation.  We all want to go to some delightfully kinky places.  It’s not a matter of depravity.  Just the opposite, really.  It’s real, and vital, and some of the juiciest play you can let yourself experience.

Letting ourselves explore the taboo is all about acceptance.  Instead of denying our desires, we honour them.  We own our feelings and our naughty thoughts and bring them into the light.  In the process, we create space to explore new territory with our lover.  If things have been a bit stale, tapping into your taboo desires can shake things up and bring in a touch of spice.  If you’ve had the most amazing lovemaking you’ve ever experienced, then stepping up the kink can take things to places you couldn’t even imagine.

The truth is that we all want to go there.  Suppressing these desires means holding a part of ourselves back.  And, the same part that we’re holding back is that aspect of ourselves that becomes lost in passion, that abandons itself to the wild throes of intimate connection.  Listening to these taboo thoughts means accepting ourselves, maybe on a deeper level than we ever have before.  It’s a way of tapping in to our full aliveness.  And that’s priceless.

The beautiful thing about this is that in accepting ourselves, we come to a deeper acceptance of our lover.  More than that, we invite more excitement and delight into our relationship.  Some taboo talk and play can turn a stagnant relationship into a juicy exploration of boundaries and desire.  Some kinky play can turn even the most vanilla of connections into the most amazing sexiness you’ve ever experienced.

So, what is it that you really want?  What secret desires have been hiding behind that veneer of the good little girl or the polite little boy?  Isn’t it time to let them out?

For the coming holiday season, I encourage you to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, the depth of sensuality that you have always deserved.  Just ask yourself, how much better can it get?  And then open the door to find out.

Sensually yours,


Jul 012018

Whether you’ve explored that kinky, edgy side of your sexuality or not, it’s there. We all have it. Those hidden desires, those spicy little fantasies. Some curiosity or interest that we might never even talk about. A little ripple of excitement at the thought of a blindfolded sensual encounter, of tying your partner and torturing them with delight, or being tied up to receive some sensual attention.

Whether our love life has been adventurous or “vanilla”, we all share a subtle pull to the taboo side of lovemaking. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, a little spice of pain to enhance the pleasure. BDSM is a part of sexuality, and it always has been. For centuries, it has been practised in the dark, stigmatised, hidden due to judgment and misunderstanding. Only now is it beginning to come into the light and find more widespread acceptance. And, as it does, we’re beginning to understand that BDSM is a key to deep healing, transformation, and a level of excitement that’s hard to find outside of clandestine encounters.

But why is this? What is it about bondage and discipline that makes it so exciting? What is it about dominance and submission that helps us to heal, to find new heights of confidence and bliss?

Part of the answer is self-exploration. When we hide from ourselves, judge ourselves, when we don’t allow our curiosity to flower, then we’re actually cutting ourselves off from some of the depth we can experience. Giving yourself permission to share and play out your fantasies means keeping your love life vital and juicy. This is only the beginning, though. Exploring the shadow side of our sexuality helps us to connect with something deep, powerful, and intense within us. And it helps us to bring this confidence and power into every aspect of our lives.

Here are some of the keys that we unlock with BDSM, and with any deep self-exploration:

1. Surrender

Surrender is powerful. It might not seem so at first. Especially in a society that values control, it might be completely counterintuitive to think of surrender as a strength. But the thing is that we can’t control everything. And it’s exhausting to try. We can’t control the curveballs that the world throws us. We can’t ensure that other people see us in a certain way, or think about us in a certain way. We can’t even suppress and hide all of those things about ourselves that we have yet to accept. Surrender means coming to terms with that.

BDSM is a key for true surrender, in a way that goes to the core of our being. When we work to maintain control, to try to make things happen instead of allowing them to happen, we actually block out some of the most exquisite sensations. We stay in the head instead of getting present and embodied. BDSM, especially in a loving and consensual environment, gives us an opportunity to surrender. And, when we do, we find a place of delicious sensation and juicy excitement. We are finally able to drop the image, the expectations, all the ways we try to control, and just feel what there is to feel. And this stays with us even after our play, helping us to ease into life from a place of allowing.

2. Trust

Trust is huge. It can be a challenge to trust others. Sometimes, it can be a challenge to trust ourselves. But from a space of distrust, suspicion, and guardedness, we close off to the world, and close off to our feelings. Exploring your taboo desires means taking a leap and trusting your partner. Communicating with them about what you would like to experience. Sharing those fantasies that you might never have mentioned to anyone before. That means being really vulnerable, and it can be scary. What if they are turned off by my fantasy? What if they don’t like it or they judge me for it? There’s no way to feel comfortable about these taboo desires until we start to share them. And then, more often than not, we find that our partner is just as curious, ready to explore some new territory and excited about where it could lead.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Bringing it into the relationship and into the bedroom can keep things really spicy. And, once again, as we learn to share and allow ourselves to be seen, as our partner shows us that we can trust them, that we can share without fear of judgment, we learn to treat ourselves the same way. This allows us to step out into the world with greater confidence, knowing what we want, and knowing that it’s more than ok to want it. It’s not only natural, our desires are thrilling and powerful.

3. Patience and Presence

How often do you find yourself rushing through one thing, only to move on and rush through the next? And if you feel this way, you’re not alone. So many of us are so caught up in the next thing that we can’t fully enjoy what we’re doing right now. This plays out in sex as well, and it’s a shame. Because our sexual sharing can be the most exquisite, intimate aspect of human experience, and often it’s reduced to just going through the motions.

Part of the reason behind this is expectation and performance. Somewhere along the way, many of us pick up some ideas about what sex should be. What needs to happen during the experience. How we need to perform in order to “measure up”. And, with all these thoughts rolling around, it’s hard to feel ourselves and our partner. Only a fraction of our being is really there.

BDSM helps to break out of the expectations and explore completely new territory. It helps us to slow down and savour the experience, to soak up the sensation and let it lead us where it wants. There’s no headlong rush to orgasm, but a slow build of excitement and feeling. There’s no script. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.

The beautiful thing about this is that it teaches us to slow down and really feel where we are. Think about it. How beautiful life could be if we really tasted that cup of coffee. If we were able to feel the sun on our skin and soak in the deliciousness of it. We are surrounded by exquisiteness in every moment, full of orgasmic potential. BDSM helps us to slow down and really tune in to what we are experiencing.

Letting yourself explore means embracing yourself as a whole. Accepting yourself, and connecting with levels of confidence, power, and sensuality that you may never have suspected. So what fantasies have been rolling around for you? What taboo desires have been hiding, unvoiced within you? Take a leap. Share what you really want, and see where things go from there.

In love and light,


Mar 012018

I love to live my life as a continual opening, a progressive expansion.  This means pushing the boundaries, feeling out my edges and pushing past them when it feels right.  Recently, I moved past one of my edges in a really beautiful way, and I’d love to share it with you.

One thing I’ve been wanting to do for some time is to have a date with an escort.  I hold space for so many clients, offering sensual healing touch and helping them to move into their vulnerability.  But it’s rare for me to open up and allow someone else to hold this space for me.  And we all need it.  No matter where we are on our journey or how wide our hearts have been cracked open.

So, after having had the thought roll through so many times, years, really, I finally did it.  I paid for sex.  But not just sex.  Even on a personal level, the experience offered so much more.  Intimacy. Connection.  Being seen.  Being met and held.  I am so used to holding space for others that this was a real journey for me.  It has helped me to understand my clients better, how they feel when they come to me, the journey that leads them to my door and my session room.

One beautiful realisation is that the experience begins way before the actual meeting.  For me, it began as soon as I really decided to find an escort and gift myself with a new experience.  It’s easy to let hesitation get the better of us.  I did it for years before deciding to take the plunge.  And then, when I finally made the decision, it was as if a weight had been lifted off me.  I was cracking open in a way I hadn’t realised I could.  But making the decision was just the first step of the journey.

After I decided to go for it, I started looking around.  I explored the sites to find an escort that really felt right.  I looked for someone that I really resonated with, or thought I could resonate with, at least.  And even then, I could feel some hesitation creeping back in.  Did I really want to do this?  How could I know that the pictures on the site were genuine?  How could I find someone I could really connect with without meeting them in person?

In the end, I went with my gut.  I found an escort that had a profile I really enjoyed, with pictures that inspired my curiosity.  And I let it go from there.  Surrender to the experience, let the chips fall where they may.  That wasn’t the end of my hesitation, though.  Really, it was just the beginning.

After I’d chosen a beautiful man to share an experience with, I started the process of booking a date.  I sent an email, and one of the first things I noticed about the experience was the response time.  I appreciated that the escort – let’s call him Jason – got back to me quickly and responded openly.  Even before the session began, he was holding space.  Creating a safe and comfortable container for the experience.  After a few emails to feel him out, we made arrangements and set the date.

Aside from the personal experience, I chose to hire an escort so I could feel what it was like to switch roles.  To be the client rather than the facilitator, and feel what my own clients feel when they come for a session with me.  I feel that you only truly understand an experience when you feel it from the inside, and this has shown me so many subtle things about what my clients experience on their journey to my door.

In the days and hours leading up to Jason’s arrival, I had so many thoughts and feelings come up.  I was nervous and excited.  Self-conscious and with tendrils of self-doubt creeping in around the edges.  Questions flitted through my mind.  Would he like me?  What sort of first impression would I make?  Would we even be able to connect?  It’s hard to know when you meet someone online.  Another question I had was: how would he smell?  Smell is big for me, a huge part of the process of attraction.  And there’s just no way to gauge that before a personal meeting.

Catching myself in this spiral, I took a breath.  Lit some incense.  Did a few deep breathing exercises to ground and come back to centre, to drop the mind and get back into my body.  When Jason arrived, I was ready to invite him into my home.

Upon his arrival, I relaxed a bit.  I hadn’t even realised how tense I was.  But he was young handsome, and fit.  And he smelled nice.  But, most of all, he was confident, relaxed, and present.  We spoke for a while, talked and joked.  Jason was witty and funny, honest and well-spoken.  He had all the qualities of an outstanding escort, and I found myself really enjoying the encounter, even before the touch began.  I appreciated that it felt personal, not like a job or a paid session.  Genuine.

We moved into touch naturally.  There was nothing rushed or awkward about it.  And the touch was delicious.  There were a few moments in the beginning where my facilitator side popped in, where I felt the urge to control and direct the experience.  But I was able to catch myself, to step back and allow Jason to lead the experience.  And this was another beautiful thing I noticed – it felt amazing to let go, to give the reins to someone else and let myself be taken on a sensual journey.

I could go on, but much of what follows was intimate and personal.  It is mine, a gift to myself and a delightful indulgence.  But I will say that my time with Jason has left me feeling sexy, confident, and alive.  And I truly value the reversal of roles, seeing what it’s like for my clients when they choose to book a session with me and when we meet for the first time.  And, after the rush of emotions that led up to the encounter, I’m left with even more tenderness for those clients who come to me feeling nervous.  The journey was so much more than just a physical encounter.

Thank you for a wonderful, juicy experience, Jason.  And thank you, to my readers and clients for receiving me in this space.

In love and light,


Dec 012017

How naughty have you been this year?  Really, delightfully, unbelievably naughty?  I sure hope so.  And if not, why not?  What are you waiting for?

Think back on all the delicious sexual adventures you have had this year.  What’s been left unsaid, and what’s been left undone?  Have you been left breathless, taken to the exquisite heights of pleasure?  Have you explored your boundaries and pushed the ones that are there only because of fear and taboos?  Have you explored intimacy and delight, taking them as far as they can go?

The time is now, boys and girls.  Stuff those stockings with some daring, exciting toys.  Set up the bedroom with candles and flowers, creating some space for a juicy adventure.  Give yourself space to do whatever’s been welling up inside and make it happen.  The year is ending, and you want to enter the next ready for a big and beautiful bang.

So, take a little time and take stock.  What has the year held for you so far?  And what would you like it to hold?  What new experiences would you like to bring into your life?  How you open now will set the tone for the next year, creating the energy that shapes the next year’s adventures.  And if you haven’t made it on to the naughty list this year, then you’ll want to in the coming year.  No questions asked. 😉

As huge as this last year has been, the next promises to be even bigger.  Ever more expansion, travel, and new horizons to explore.  I can hardly wait.  And I won’t have to for too much longer.  The next year is right around the corner.  I’d like to take this changing of the seasons as a time to remember why I’m here.  What I really want, and how I can use the choices offered to me in each moment to move towards it.  And I would like to invite each of you to do the same.

I’d like to wish everyone an indulgent holiday season.  These are jolly times, and jolly means it’s time to bring more delight into your life in every moment.  That’s what this season is really all about for those of us brave enough to explore our boundaries and push the limit.  There’s nothing like a little bounding and bouncing to make this season all that it can be.  And to follow it up, let’s all have the most glorious, delicious, and inspiring entry into the new year.  After all, now is the time to be alive.  It’s the only time we ever have.

So, without further ado, I give some holiday blessings to each and all.  Get excited, get a bit sexy, and above all, make your way onto the naughty list.  That’s where all the fun is.  Sending a wink and a smile and a “Ho ho ho” to everyone.

Love and light

Nov 012017

How do you like your bush?  Neatly trimmed?  A triangle or a runway?  Completely clean shaven?  Or absent entirely?  Have you ever thought about it?

So many young women and men feel pressured to remove their body hair.  Modern media and the porn industry depict sexuality with hairlessness, but this wasn’t always the case.

Body hair is a symbol of maturity, of our capacity to make new life.  Biologically, our body hair collects and releases pheromones, the chemicals that signal sexual readiness and evoke powerful responses in our partners.  Our current obsession with the hairless vulva is a reflection of modern media and public opinion more than any real understanding of sexuality.  And this isn’t a consideration for women alone.  It’s currently come into vogue for men to remove all pubic hair as well.  If you enjoy the feel of your body without hair, amazing.  The biggest question is one of motivation.  Are you grooming your body the way you like, or the way you will expect others to like it?

How do you enjoy your body?  How do you like to feel?  Is your regimen regarding body hair based upon what you want or what you feel others want of you?  Do you shave, wax, or apply depilatories because you like to be free of hair, or do you do it because you feel that this is the way to be sexy, to be accepted by others?

When it comes down to it, personal grooming is a personal choice.  It should be something you like.  You have every right to groom yourself to fit the way that you like to feel.  Anyone else’s opinions are secondary, if they even merit consideration at all.

Just to dispel some of the myths that have arisen around our personal grooming, the clean shaven vulva is neither sexier nor more hygienic than the glorious full bush.  Both are beautiful, as is anything in between.  The same applies to men.  Removing our pubic hair can offer a sleek, smooth finish, but it also removes one of the most tangible signs of masculinity and virility.  On a practical level, if we enjoy anal play, a bit of body scaping can clear the path.  But practical concerns aside, our body hair is one of the most intimate aspects of our appearance.  It is a reflection of our most personal choices, how we would like to maintain the sacred space of our bodies.  And there is no one outside of ourselves who can tell us what is right for us.

When it comes right down to it, we are each looking for a person who can see us and love us for who we are.  Without masks or games, without expectations or roles.  And this extends to even the most personal aspects of how we present ourselves to one another and to the world.  What we all want is a person who can see our beauty, regardless of cultural conditioning or societal expectations.  And yet, the only way we can know we’ve found such a connection is to do what we love most, on every level, and see how our preferences are received.

So what do you prefer?  If you love to shave or wax, amazing.  Do what you feel.  And yet, if you’re only going through these challenges to appease a man or fit in with some cultural image, have a bit of a think about it.  One of the simplest and most eloquent ways for us to take our power back is to determine how we would like to treat and maintain our bodies.  And anyone who is worth keeping around in our lives will both respect and love us for exactly what we like.  What do you like?

Aug 012017

What images come to your mind when you hear BDSM?  For most people, the answer is whips and chains, blindfolds and paddles.  Those who view it from the outside might assume that BDSM is weird and abusive.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s about trust

At its core, BDSM is about trust.  It’s about letting go of control, surrendering to a caring lover, and being held in a space of vulnerability.  And the really juicy thing about it is that it can be incredibly exciting and erotic.  In letting go completely and trusting a partner, we can move into a space of exhilaration and delicious sensation that is as healing as it is intimate and sensual.

There are many forms of sensory play that fall under the heading of BDSM.  We can move into a space of power-play or domination and submission, where one partner surrenders control to the other.  We can use spanking or flogging to bring intense sensations into our play, bringing in an element of sadomasochism.  Restraints might be introduced, bringing us into the realm of bondage and discipline.  All of this can be described as BDSM, and yet each offers its own unique sensation and emotion to the sensual experience.

Just another way to play

Those who have never dipped into the world of kink often feel that BDSM is perverted, that it involves objectifying or dehumanising your partner.  If you’ve experienced it, though, you know that this is one of the most intimate, nurturing, and loving ways that we can relate to one another.  In many ways, it can be more intimate than conventional sexuality.  The play is arranged in advance with clear, intimate communication, given a container which allows the play to be fulfilling for all involved, and inviting a deep and unique erotic bond.  Communication and trust are key elements in BDSM, more so even than in the more “vanilla” forms of intimate and sensual play.

Power play, sensory play, and bondage are far more common than many realise, and those who bring kink into the bedroom are just as healthy and normal as those with a more conventional approach to sex.  In fact, studies have shown that those who have brought BDSM into their sexual experiences tend to have a higher sense of self-esteem, a clearer understanding of their needs and desires, and a greater capacity to communicate these desires, both in and out of the bedroom.

Never abusive

BDSM is about surrender, about letting go of control and moving into feeling.  Beyond the head, beyond story and judgment, and into a place of sensuality and release.  It touches upon the element of power, which is deeply erotic and enticing from many angles.  And, though pain might be brought into the play, it’s done from a consensual, ethical, and nurturing space rather than one of abuse.  When coming from a loving and caring space, bondage, power play, or sensory play can incredibly heighten the excitement of intimacy.  Rather than being abusive, the limits are always clearly defined beforehand and carefully controlled.  This creates a safe space for our deep, juicy, and naughty desires to be explored.

Safe words

One thing that it’s helpful to understand about BDSM is that there is a theatrical element to it.  We get to play out scenes and fantasies that have been charged with excitement and desire, exploring them in a healthy and deeply erotic way.  This is the reason that safe words are used.  Safe words are neutral signals that a sub (submissive) can use to stop the play.  They allow fantasies to be played out where the sub begs for the play to stop, secure in the knowledge that it will continue so long as it remains juicy and exciting.

Subs are in charge

Another aspect of BDSM which could be a bit counterintuitive for those viewing it from a distance is that the subs are actually in charge.  They arrange clear limits beforehand based on their own personal boundaries and have the capacity to stop the play immediately with the safe word.  The observance of these limits is in the nature of a trust, and it forms the foundation of the play.  The Dom, or dominant, may act like they are in charge, but their role is to be caring and nurturing, deeply tuned in to the needs and desires of the sub throughout the course of the play.  This creates an environment where we can experiment with power and surrender from a safe and healthy space.  What’s more, playing with power in this way can be intensely erotic and exciting.


One vital element that BDSM really brings to the surface is intimacy.  Intimacy is something different from sex.  It is clear, authentic, emotional communication.  And to be truly intimate, we have to be vulnerable.  We can be sexual without being intimate and vice versa.  But it’s the intimate space that’s both truly healing and is the source of healthy arousal.  BDSM requires honest, ongoing discussion, before the play begins, throughout it, and afterwards.

Openly expressing our sexual desires and curiosities requires a certain degree of vulnerability that is in itself healing.  In being received in this space, we learn to trust, to communicate, to accept both ourselves and the other more fully.  These skills deepen our relationships and clear away the barriers that keep us from embracing our sensual nature.  And the beautiful thing is that when we move from this space, our quality of life improves on every level, both in the bedroom and in other areas of life.

Jul 032017

We live in a busy world.  Lots of pressures, lots of demands, and it can be easy to get caught in a cycle.  Rushing from one thing to the next, and thinking about what’s ahead the whole time.  On top of that, since we were young, we’ve been surrounded by “shoulds” and “ought tos”, things that are ok, and things that aren’t.

The result, all too often, is that we live in our heads.  Focused on something in the future rather than what’s right here in front of us.  Thinking, planning, strategising, making stories.  Worrying about things that haven’t happened and might never happen.  About what we should do or say.  Playing games and roles, sometimes without ever realising that we’re going through the motions.  Wearing masks even in front of ourselves.  And cutting off that sense of feeling which makes life meaningful, joyful, exciting, and truly worth living.

This is what I love about tantra, about Bondassage, about holding space for others to move into a greater depth of feeling.  It happens naturally, as soon as we allow ourselves to slow down.  Once we let go of what the future might bring, even for just a moment, once we start to tune into our sensations, our feelings, a huge weight begins to ease off, one that we might not even have realised we were carrying around.

It goes deeper, too.  So often we’re taught that our desires are wrong.  That we shouldn’t feel this, shouldn’t want that.  But making our feelings and desires wrong doesn’t make them go away.  They are a part of us, signals from within that guide us to fulfil our needs, to step into the joy and vitality life has to offer us.

Tantra is a practice of allowing, accepting, of coming to feel that all parts of us are welcome in this moment, and in each moment.  And, though there might be some understandings connected with it, the core of the process is feeling.  Getting into the body, getting present, using the most sensual aspect of our experience as a medium for moving past our judgment of ourselves, for moving into acceptance on the deepest level, in this moment and each moment.

When we’re living in our heads, in the future, stuck in intellect and judgment, we get tight.  We contract, closing our feelings down, both emotionally and in the body.  But a beautiful, conscious, sensual experience can help us to open up, to let the tightness ease off, and to begin feeling again.  Emotions that have been bottled up for ages come flooding out.  Tensions that we’ve been holding in our bodies slip away, and a sense of peaceful presence comes in that makes every aspect of life more enjoyable, richer and more dynamic.

Our natural state is orgasmic, filled with joy and gratitude for all the richness and beauty of the moment.  And the key to coming back is feeling, allowing, accepting.  Opening up to allow all that life to offer us to come in.  And it’s easy, really.  Fun.  Juicy.  Exciting.  The deepest and most lasting gift we can give ourselves is the willingness to show up for ourselves, right now.  Right here.  To drop our judgment and control, and simply allow our feeling sense of guide the way.

Jun 012017

This is a topic that’s close to my heart, one that I’m glad to be able to share with you.  One reason is that on the surface, tantra and BSDM might be seen as completely different ways of exploring ourselves and our sexuality.  Another is that there’s a hunger for this knowledge in the BDSM world, a desire to understand how to take our play further, how to make it whole, healing, and spiritual.

When kink is brought up, it might conjure images of whips and chains, or more extreme forms of power play.  And tantra, though also associated with sex, might seem even more mysterious and taboo.  Where is the intersection point?  Are they even related at all?

In a word: yes.  Intimately.  BDSM and tantra are both deep explorations of ourselves, ways to unlock our sensual, sexual natures.  They each help us to move past the surface values of life and bring in more energy, more awareness, more expansion, and more bliss.

The key is feeling.  Really feeling.  Getting out of our heads and into our bodies, tuning in to the subtle levels of sensation and energy that race through our beings.  Tantra tends to explore this from the level of energy.  Breath, sound, and motion.  How energy builds and moves within us, and how to move with it.  And to do this, we need to surrender.  To truly let go, and to allow the body, the sensation, and the feeling to guide us.  And, once we can surrender and tune in, we begin to tap into a level of vitality, joy, confidence, and authenticity that we never expected possible, and one that extends to every level of life.

And what about BDSM?  It’s a process of surrender.  It’s a way to play with all levels of sensation, building energy and feeling in the body.  We play with all forms of touch – strokes and feather-light touches, light to hard strokes, temperature, pressure of all forms and varieties, different sensations over the entire body.  Kink and sensory play give us the opportunity to touch consciously, directed by the energy, tuned in to one another and to the sensation on the deepest level.

One of my favourite ways of working with this is through Bondassage.  Restraints play with trust and surrender.  They help us to let go, to drop all thought of performance and simply be with the feeling.  Any form of restraint with a loving, conscious partner can be deeply healing, allowing us to move past the chronic need to do and control, helping us to drop fully into the present moment.  Blindfolds allow us to release the need to see, the need to know what’s happening and to engage on a mental level.  The receiver’s awareness is brought to the sensations rising within and playing across the body, no need to act, to perform, to plan, to do.  Surrender and feel.  Just Be.

Also, any form of BDSM is just as much an art of presence for the conscious, caring giver as it is for the receiver.  To provide amazing sensual experiences to a partner, we have to tune in to them on the deepest level, to follow the energy within ourselves, and to observe how it moves within them.

This is the core of tantra.  It is an exploration of our energy, unlocking feelings, expanding awareness, coming into the moment, and following where it leads.  Dropping out of the mind and into the heart, into the body.

Any time we listen within, tuning into the sensation and allowing ourselves to move with it, we are stepping into a tantric way of being.  We are tapping into our subtle energies, our Shakti force, our Chi, the creative force at the core of our beings. This is a deeply healing and vitalising experience.  It’s a movement beyond form or expectation and into an exquisite, organic dance of energy, feeling, and life.

Apr 012017

It’s time to debunk a myth that some of us have picked up: sex is not simply for the young.  In fact, it can continue to be fulfilling throughout life.  Even more, sex can improve with age!  And it might have once been taboo to be open with our sexual nature, but those days are gone.  At any age it’s beautiful to share openly and playfully, relating needs and desires to a partner and opening the door for them to share as well.

Some think that desire diminishes with age, but this isn’t the case.  Certainly there are changes that happen in the body.  It might take more time to reach full arousal and to become fully lubricated.  But who’s rushing?  One of the beauties of entering our golden years is that we have more time.  The kids have grown up, the work is behind us, and we can move into our sensual play without distractions or interruptions.

Once we’re older, we know our bodies better.  We know what works for us and what doesn’t.  Sex can be great when you’re younger, but it’s often driven mostly by hormones.  As we get older, sharing of sensual play is more emotional fulfilling, a way to rekindle the passion in a long marriage or deepen a beautiful new relationship.  Also, once we have a bit of life experience under our belt, we tend to let go of ideas about performance and expectation, letting ourselves be really present to the experience.  Most older men know that there’s plenty more to do in the bedroom than just intercourse, and they love to please, to savour the experience, touch, kiss, lick, and caress.  And for older women, the body is often even more sensitive after menopause.  Orgasms can become even more intense than they were in the younger years.

One thing that should be mentioned is that taboos are out the window.  Having more time and more desire means that we have a chance to explore all those things we never experienced before.  Toys, tying, and spanking, role-play and dirty talk.  Openly expressing our sexuality is something exciting and bold.  There’s an entire world of kink to discover, and it’s all fun, exciting, deliciously naughty, and perfectly acceptable.  At any age.

Dating is also something without age limits.  It might take a bit of courage once we get older to step out into the dating game, but online dating services and dating apps are great to close the gap and meet people open to connecting and excited to explore a new relationship.  Society no longer frowns upon older women dating younger men.  Friends with benefits can be deeply exciting and fulfilling.  There are no real boundaries other than those we create for ourselves.

One of the best things about staying sexually active as we get older is that it makes us healthier and happier.  Sex burns fat, improves physical and emotional healthy, increases lifespan, and improves our relationships.  There are no downsides.  It’s beautiful to really own your sexuality, no matter how many years you’ve been on the planet.  So open up, enjoy, and let the later years bring in the best love life you’ve ever had.