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Apr 042019

It’s incredibly exciting to bring some variety and kink into the bedroom.  Bringing some delicious new sensual play into your experience can breathe new life into a relationship or bring an already awesome intimate connection to new heights of delight.  But this can be intimidating, too.  Where do we start?  If it’s new territory, it’s only natural to be a bit nervous or awkward.  So here are a few tips for helping you to explore this new space, to step into it like a pro so your lover can relax and get the most out of the experience.

1. Make it about them

This is a big one.  Sometimes we fall into old patterns.  I do this, you do that.  And we both get something out of the experience.  And then once it’s over, we’re wondering if we’ve performed well, if it was good for them, etc.  Instead of focusing on the sensations, we’ve gotten lost in mind and expectations.

The best way to avoid this pitfall is to set up a time for one person to receive, and the other to give.  Let the receiver just relax and focus on the sensations and energies of the moment.  And let the giver tune in to their lover, focusing completely on worshipping their body and giving them the most incredible experience they can have.  If it goes further, amazing.  But that’s not the goal.  Just let the energy take the experience where it wants to go.

2. Set and Setting

Believe it or not, how you set up the room can have a big impact on your sensual play.  The goal here is to arrange the environment for the most comfort possible.  Relaxed, comfortable lighting is ideal.  Try to get the temperature just right, warm and comfortable without being too hot.  Make sure that the space is clear so that nothing is in the way.  And make the preparations beforehand.  Have the oils ready and warmed, bring in any toys, restraints, blindfolds, or other implements that you’d like to have on hand during the session.  By the time your lover enters the room, you want the mood set so that they’re ready to relax and surrender to the experience.  Even if you’ve discussed preferences beforehand (which is really important), you want the moment itself to be a romantic surprise.

3. Eliminate distractions

There’s no one way to do a Bondassage session or sensual massage for your lover.  But, one key is to make it easy for them to let go and become absorbed in the feeling.  Blindfolds are a great way to ease into this, especially if this is a new experience for you.  Visual input can distract us and make it easier to go into the mind instead of the body.  So, consider investing in a comfortable blindfold that blocks out light and keeps your lover wondering where the next touch will land.  Headphones are another great addition.  Go for a pair that’s high-quality – and again, comfortable – and play soft, sensual music for your lover to relax into.  This combination will help your partner to tune in to the body and nothing else.  It’s amazing how much it heightens sensation.

4. Use the right massage oil!

This is easy to overlook, but pretty important.  The oil should be organic, or at the very least edible.  You want to be able to take your time, making it slow, intentional, and supremely intimate.  And, you want to be able to grace your partner’s skin with kisses, tongue, and lips.  One of the best options for this is organic virgin coconut oil.  It lasts for the length of the massage, and it’s healthy for the body and the skin.  Make sure to warm it up beforehand.  Just place the bottle under a faucet with warm water for a few minutes before you begin.  

5. Plan for a variety of different sensations

Here’s one place where you can get really creative.  You don’t have to invest in a bunch of different toys to bring in sensations.  Consider using a light scarf to graze your lover’s skin.  Or using the tines of a fork to lightly trace different parts of their body.  Fur or a feather can bring in a luscious, teasing sensation.  And, if you have discussed this beforehand, you might enjoy some more intense sensory play, like some light spanking or a vibrator.  Temperature can be delicious in these spaces as well.  You can use an ice cube to let drops fall on your lover’s skin.  And you don’t have to confine your touch to toys.  You can create all sorts of different sensations with the hands alone.  Light touches with the fingertips, deeper pressure with the palms, friction on both sides of the legs or arms to bring in heat and treat the body to a new feeling.  Lips, tongue, and breath bring in an even broader variety of touches, letting you cascade your lover with all manner of juiciness.  Tune in and see what they enjoy in the moment!

6. Take it slow!

Remember, you aren’t rushing to an orgasm.  This is a moment to serenade your lover with sensation.  You’ll probably end up focusing on the erogenous zones and genitals as the experience builds, but let the experience take you there in its own time.  Give loving attention to your partner’s entire body.  Massage the shoulders, hands, feet, arms, and legs.  Spend time on the buttocks and back.  Build the sensation gradually and bring it slowly into the sexier spaces.  And, once things start to get really hot, pull back.  And then build it up again.  This is edging, bringing the sensation close to orgasm over and over until your lover can’t take it anymore and explodes with delight!  The slower you go, the more intense this release will be.  Invite feedback so your partner can tell you what feels good, what they want more of, and where they would like to be touched.

7. Bring some full body connection into the experience

At some point, your partner’s entire body will be covered in oil.  You’ve worked all the way up from their toes to their head or from the head on down.  One beautiful addition to the experience is to bring your own body into connection with theirs.  You can slide your chest against their legs, back or belly, bringing your whole body into the massage and create a luscious sensual experience for both of you.  This is also a fun way to move into position for some passionate kissing.  It’s incredibly hot to feel your lover in full contact with you, nothing in between and focused only on the feeling of skin against skin.

So now you’ve got some pointers, and you’re ready to play!  Try out these tips and see where they take you.  Remember to get creative and to tune in to your partner through the whole experience.  Each person is different, and we may want different feelings on one day than we do on another, or even from one moment to the next.

If you’d like some more pointers or to experience a Bondassage session for yourself, feel free to reach out. 

With love and light,


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