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Jun 012019

There are lots of elements to health.  Diet, exercise, sleep levels, social connections, the list goes on.  But one of the biggest parts of health has more to do with our minds than our bodies.  Psychological health is about being open to new experiences.  It’s about being less afraid of rejection and less paranoid about others’ opinions of us.  Basically, it’s about being happy and well-equipped to live a satisfying life on all levels.

For a long time, it was assumed that BDSM and kink were connected with an unhealthy or aberrant mind.  Thankfully, even the scientific community is waking up around this topic.  We’re beginning to recognise that the opposite could be true.  People who bring kink and BDSM into their love life are often more comfortable with themselves than those who practice plain vanilla sex.  They tend to show higher levels of well-being and a stronger sense of security in their relationships.

Science isn’t good at finding reasons for this, but it’s not too hard to understand some of the possibilities.  When we begin to explore taboo, we allow ourselves to think about what we really want to experience.  We become more honest with ourselves about our desires and about what turns us on.  And another big step is talking about it.  To share a healthy kinky relationship with your partner, you have to be open to communicating with them.  Instead of keeping our real feelings hidden, we have to share from a vulnerable place and explore our boundaries, to be willing to look into things that we may enjoy, whether society has conditioned us to accept them or not.

Just like with anything in life, there’s no one right way to do it.  But just being willing to talk about how we feel, what turns us on, and what we’re interested in gives us an opportunity for deeper self-knowledge and more sexual satisfaction.  And, one of the really beautiful things about this for those who are new to kinky exploration is that everyone out there has some of these “taboo” desires, or at least curiosities.  As soon as you get past the awkwardness of sharing with your partner, you’ll find that they have had some of these fantasies as well.  This is a key to accepting ourselves on deeper levels and moving past fear of rejection.

So, what’s the takeaway here?  Is it time to break out the handcuffs and start bringing spanking into the bedroom?  Well, maybe.  But it can be just as helpful to have an honest discussion with your partner about things that you are curious about.  This is a great place to start because it lets you explore your boundaries and learn where exploration can be comfortable and fun for both of you.  Plus, it can get into some really stimulating dirty talk or exciting fantasies, which you can then play out as far as you feel ready to do so.

BDSM is about consent and communication.  It’s about creating a safe space for you both to explore, to express yourselves openly and let go of some of the roles and expectations that can make our sensual play go stale and stagnant.  So take a chance and have a chat.  Think about what you would like to experience and open the floor for your partner to share some of their desires as well.  You can keep it as mild as you like, or let yourself explore more deeply.  Whatever you are comfortable with.

In love and light,


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