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Oct 012019

Let’s be honest, people.  50 Shades of Grey gets it wrong in loads of places.  But, one of the best things that it has done for us is to bring the subject of BDSM to the table.  It has opened the door for everyone, regardless of how adventurous – or how vanilla – they might be, to bring a little forbidden excitement in by discussing what BDSM is all about.  And this is huge.  In a culture where discussions of kink have been less than apropos for the last couple of centuries, we’re just now beginning to move into a place where we can take an honest look at sexuality, desire, and consent.

I just recently watched a beautiful video about this from one of my friends and associates, Mistress Tokyo.  In it, she explores the value of consent in our kink and intimate play. Consent is central to any bondage or sensory play.  It might not seem like this from the outside.  We tend to focus on the naughty or taboo bits, if we don’t have experience with the world of BDSM.  But, though issues of pain and power come into play, the core of the situation is about safety and trust.SO, when you get a bit kinky with your partner, the most important first step is to sound them out, to find out what they are ok with.

BDSM covers a wide range of different kink or sensory play, from blindfolds to ropes, spanking to subtle touch.  And it can be hugely exciting to explore this realm, bringing new worlds of exploration into your sensual play.  But, regardless of how you go about it, the first step is to ask, are you ok with this? May I spank you?  Would you like to be blindfolded?  May I bind your wrists?

The first thing is that consent doesn’t stop with the first yes.  So, so that your partner has given an ok for a bit of spanking.  Create a container.  Explore how far they would like to explore.  Would you like me to spank you like this?  Are you ok with this many swats?  Would you like to be spanked in this position?  Remember that intimate situations can bring a bit of subtle pressure with them.  If you get a hesitation or a maybe, then that’s a no.  You don’t want to pressure your partner, to say, “Just this once, or come on, you’ll like it!”  Let the play evolve naturally.  Honour your lover’s boundaries and allow them to open up naturally, in their own time.

In the process, make sure that you continue to communicate.  Before you begin your bondage play, it’s important to have set up safe words.  A safe word is something that you can say that will immediately end the “scene,” the sexual play.  Another great way to go about it is to use the traffic light system. Green means “Keep on going!  This is awesome!”, yellow means “slow down, pace yourself” and red means “stop”.  Always listen and let your partner determine the pace and depth of the play.

Consent is central to all forms of interaction, from casual connection to sensual touch to kinkier and more delicious forms of intimacy.  And, although you might not realise it if you haven’t explored the world of bondage and sensory play yourself, it’s all about trust.  On the surface, you give up your power and surrender to another.  In the process, you open up to new feeling, new excitement.  And, when playing with someone that you can really trust, there’s an element of deep healing that comes in as well.

If you’d like to know more about bondage, consent, or kink, feel free to reach out.  I love to share these new realms with those I work with, to open them up to deeper levels of passion and embodiment.  If you’re curious and you’d like to explore, give me a call.

In love and light,


Aug 012019

I recently had a friend ask if I ever mix BDSM and Tantra.  I realised that this is a great question, and one that I wanted to explore further with my clients and readers.  On the surface, it might seem like an unlikely pairing.  Tantra is connected with spiritual sexuality, while BDSM is more about the kinky stuff, right?  Well, they both go a bit deeper than that.

First, to dispel a few common misconceptions, Tantra isn’t only about sex.  It’s a practice of awareness.  It’s about breathing, feeling, and being present to our experience in the moment.  It’s about being conscious to our experience, to turn off the autopilot and wake up to where we are right now.  That means dropping the mind, as well.  Letting go of stories and expectations, ideas of performance and roles.  Tantra is about tuning in to our body’s energy as we experience life, about deepening that experience with every breath.

Tantra is a lifelong practice, and one that I bring into everything I do in life.  It’s like a process of living meditation – slowing down, staying present, paying attention to the details, and above all using the breath to bring more consciousness into each moment.  I practice tantra when I’m walking, when I’m sitting, when I’m talking with a friend or lying in my bed at the end of the night.  And, of course, when I offer my Bondassage and BDSM sessions.

Attention to details is key in a Bondassage session.  It’s important to make sure that the receiver is safely bound.  Secure without being uncomfortable, nothing too tight, and making sure that they have some movement.  It’s important to tune in to them beforehand, to make sure that they have no injuries and that they are bound in the right way for them.

This awareness has to be maintained throughout the session.  Whether it’s Bondassage or any other form of BDSM play, the key to a phenomenal experience is being present in our actions.  When someone receives a Bondassage session, they are in a deeply vulnerable space.  Trust is essential.  And for the receiver to relax and trust, I have to be fully conscious of how I’m touching, when, where.  I have to keep tuned in to their breath and read their subtle body movements.  This is how I make sure to make the session all about the receiver, about where they are and what they need right then.

Doing Bondassage right is an art.  It’s a symphony of sensation, a conscious interaction with a living awareness.  This is Tantra at its very core.  Even when we get moving faster, it’s about being in the moment and ever present.

So, a little encouragement for my readers who are interested in exploring Tantra more deeply, try to give yourself some regular check-ins.  Try to remind yourself a few times a day to pay attention to your breathing, to feel into your body, the sun on your face, the breeze through your hair.  Try to drop into the present.  And, the next time you’re getting hot and heavy with your sweetie or in the middle of a sensual massage, see if you can drop into the feeling and follow the energy.  

In love and light,


Jun 012019

There are lots of elements to health.  Diet, exercise, sleep levels, social connections, the list goes on.  But one of the biggest parts of health has more to do with our minds than our bodies.  Psychological health is about being open to new experiences.  It’s about being less afraid of rejection and less paranoid about others’ opinions of us.  Basically, it’s about being happy and well-equipped to live a satisfying life on all levels.

For a long time, it was assumed that BDSM and kink were connected with an unhealthy or aberrant mind.  Thankfully, even the scientific community is waking up around this topic.  We’re beginning to recognise that the opposite could be true.  People who bring kink and BDSM into their love life are often more comfortable with themselves than those who practice plain vanilla sex.  They tend to show higher levels of well-being and a stronger sense of security in their relationships.

Science isn’t good at finding reasons for this, but it’s not too hard to understand some of the possibilities.  When we begin to explore taboo, we allow ourselves to think about what we really want to experience.  We become more honest with ourselves about our desires and about what turns us on.  And another big step is talking about it.  To share a healthy kinky relationship with your partner, you have to be open to communicating with them.  Instead of keeping our real feelings hidden, we have to share from a vulnerable place and explore our boundaries, to be willing to look into things that we may enjoy, whether society has conditioned us to accept them or not.

Just like with anything in life, there’s no one right way to do it.  But just being willing to talk about how we feel, what turns us on, and what we’re interested in gives us an opportunity for deeper self-knowledge and more sexual satisfaction.  And, one of the really beautiful things about this for those who are new to kinky exploration is that everyone out there has some of these “taboo” desires, or at least curiosities.  As soon as you get past the awkwardness of sharing with your partner, you’ll find that they have had some of these fantasies as well.  This is a key to accepting ourselves on deeper levels and moving past fear of rejection.

So, what’s the takeaway here?  Is it time to break out the handcuffs and start bringing spanking into the bedroom?  Well, maybe.  But it can be just as helpful to have an honest discussion with your partner about things that you are curious about.  This is a great place to start because it lets you explore your boundaries and learn where exploration can be comfortable and fun for both of you.  Plus, it can get into some really stimulating dirty talk or exciting fantasies, which you can then play out as far as you feel ready to do so.

BDSM is about consent and communication.  It’s about creating a safe space for you both to explore, to express yourselves openly and let go of some of the roles and expectations that can make our sensual play go stale and stagnant.  So take a chance and have a chat.  Think about what you would like to experience and open the floor for your partner to share some of their desires as well.  You can keep it as mild as you like, or let yourself explore more deeply.  Whatever you are comfortable with.

In love and light,


Apr 042019

It’s incredibly exciting to bring some variety and kink into the bedroom.  Bringing some delicious new sensual play into your experience can breathe new life into a relationship or bring an already awesome intimate connection to new heights of delight.  But this can be intimidating, too.  Where do we start?  If it’s new territory, it’s only natural to be a bit nervous or awkward.  So here are a few tips for helping you to explore this new space, to step into it like a pro so your lover can relax and get the most out of the experience.

1. Make it about them

This is a big one.  Sometimes we fall into old patterns.  I do this, you do that.  And we both get something out of the experience.  And then once it’s over, we’re wondering if we’ve performed well, if it was good for them, etc.  Instead of focusing on the sensations, we’ve gotten lost in mind and expectations.

The best way to avoid this pitfall is to set up a time for one person to receive, and the other to give.  Let the receiver just relax and focus on the sensations and energies of the moment.  And let the giver tune in to their lover, focusing completely on worshipping their body and giving them the most incredible experience they can have.  If it goes further, amazing.  But that’s not the goal.  Just let the energy take the experience where it wants to go.

2. Set and Setting

Believe it or not, how you set up the room can have a big impact on your sensual play.  The goal here is to arrange the environment for the most comfort possible.  Relaxed, comfortable lighting is ideal.  Try to get the temperature just right, warm and comfortable without being too hot.  Make sure that the space is clear so that nothing is in the way.  And make the preparations beforehand.  Have the oils ready and warmed, bring in any toys, restraints, blindfolds, or other implements that you’d like to have on hand during the session.  By the time your lover enters the room, you want the mood set so that they’re ready to relax and surrender to the experience.  Even if you’ve discussed preferences beforehand (which is really important), you want the moment itself to be a romantic surprise.

3. Eliminate distractions

There’s no one way to do a Bondassage session or sensual massage for your lover.  But, one key is to make it easy for them to let go and become absorbed in the feeling.  Blindfolds are a great way to ease into this, especially if this is a new experience for you.  Visual input can distract us and make it easier to go into the mind instead of the body.  So, consider investing in a comfortable blindfold that blocks out light and keeps your lover wondering where the next touch will land.  Headphones are another great addition.  Go for a pair that’s high-quality – and again, comfortable – and play soft, sensual music for your lover to relax into.  This combination will help your partner to tune in to the body and nothing else.  It’s amazing how much it heightens sensation.

4. Use the right massage oil!

This is easy to overlook, but pretty important.  The oil should be organic, or at the very least edible.  You want to be able to take your time, making it slow, intentional, and supremely intimate.  And, you want to be able to grace your partner’s skin with kisses, tongue, and lips.  One of the best options for this is organic virgin coconut oil.  It lasts for the length of the massage, and it’s healthy for the body and the skin.  Make sure to warm it up beforehand.  Just place the bottle under a faucet with warm water for a few minutes before you begin.  

5. Plan for a variety of different sensations

Here’s one place where you can get really creative.  You don’t have to invest in a bunch of different toys to bring in sensations.  Consider using a light scarf to graze your lover’s skin.  Or using the tines of a fork to lightly trace different parts of their body.  Fur or a feather can bring in a luscious, teasing sensation.  And, if you have discussed this beforehand, you might enjoy some more intense sensory play, like some light spanking or a vibrator.  Temperature can be delicious in these spaces as well.  You can use an ice cube to let drops fall on your lover’s skin.  And you don’t have to confine your touch to toys.  You can create all sorts of different sensations with the hands alone.  Light touches with the fingertips, deeper pressure with the palms, friction on both sides of the legs or arms to bring in heat and treat the body to a new feeling.  Lips, tongue, and breath bring in an even broader variety of touches, letting you cascade your lover with all manner of juiciness.  Tune in and see what they enjoy in the moment!

6. Take it slow!

Remember, you aren’t rushing to an orgasm.  This is a moment to serenade your lover with sensation.  You’ll probably end up focusing on the erogenous zones and genitals as the experience builds, but let the experience take you there in its own time.  Give loving attention to your partner’s entire body.  Massage the shoulders, hands, feet, arms, and legs.  Spend time on the buttocks and back.  Build the sensation gradually and bring it slowly into the sexier spaces.  And, once things start to get really hot, pull back.  And then build it up again.  This is edging, bringing the sensation close to orgasm over and over until your lover can’t take it anymore and explodes with delight!  The slower you go, the more intense this release will be.  Invite feedback so your partner can tell you what feels good, what they want more of, and where they would like to be touched.

7. Bring some full body connection into the experience

At some point, your partner’s entire body will be covered in oil.  You’ve worked all the way up from their toes to their head or from the head on down.  One beautiful addition to the experience is to bring your own body into connection with theirs.  You can slide your chest against their legs, back or belly, bringing your whole body into the massage and create a luscious sensual experience for both of you.  This is also a fun way to move into position for some passionate kissing.  It’s incredibly hot to feel your lover in full contact with you, nothing in between and focused only on the feeling of skin against skin.

So now you’ve got some pointers, and you’re ready to play!  Try out these tips and see where they take you.  Remember to get creative and to tune in to your partner through the whole experience.  Each person is different, and we may want different feelings on one day than we do on another, or even from one moment to the next.

If you’d like some more pointers or to experience a Bondassage session for yourself, feel free to reach out. 

With love and light,


Feb 052019
Bondassage: the most delicious form of sensual domination you’ll ever experience

One of the biggest blocks many of us have is around our sexuality.  When we have doubts about our sexual nature, it reduces our self-esteem, fostering insecurity and doubt.  This is as true for women as it is for men.  And it’s just the beginning.  When our feeling nature is blocked, we can’t enjoy life to the fullest.  Sexuality can be a source of stress, rather than a beautiful joyous exploration.

The thing is, even with a loving partner, it can be hard to get past these blocks.  Unconscious sexuality is performance-based, rushing to orgasm rather than losing ourselves in sensation.  We can so easily get in our heads, wondering if we’re doing it right, if we’re good enough.  We can worry about our technique, whether or not our bodies are responding as they should, all sorts of things that interfere with the experience.

This is why it’s so beautiful to work with a Bondassage professional.  When you have a Bondassage session, you work with an experienced professional whose entire goal is to help you reach your full capacity for pleasure.  During the massage, they hold space for you to feel and to surrender to this feeling.  You can just let yourself open to the sensations.  There’s no right or wrong way.  There’s no goal.  The experience can just take you wherever it takes you, and wherever it goes is exactly right.

Some benefits are obvious and tangible.  After a session with a tantric therapist, your stress levels will be lower.  You’ll sleep better.  The quality of your orgasm improves and you’ll develop greater control over your climaxes.  Plus, you’ll find that you have fewer issues around impotence, premature ejaculation, or the inability to orgasm, if these things have challenged you in the past.  And, as your sexual energy and drive become stronger, your self-esteem and confidence will improve as well.  And all this, though quite a bit in itself, is just the beginning.

Going further, Bondassage helps you to slow down and feel the sensual experience.  It helps you tune in to your body and build sensation, breathing it through your body.  This is the tantric aspect of Bondassage.  The massage is an opportunity to deepen your understanding of what your body likes, how it enjoys being touched.  It helps you learn to expand your pleasure through the breath, to bring sexual energy from your genitals throughout your entire body.  And, most powerfully, it can teach you the practice of the body orgasm, of turning your sexual energy inwards and building it until it becomes almost overwhelming.

After feeling this for yourself, you can then bring these techniques into your sexual experiences with your lover.  You can work on slowing it down, playing with the sensation.  But it takes some practice.  It’s so easy to speed things up with unconscious sexuality.  To go faster and rush to orgasm.  When you work with a Bondassage therapist, you learn to relax, breathe, and feel.  It helps you learn to drop expectations or thoughts of performance and drop into the body.  After even a couple of sessions, you’ll find a profound shift in your love life.  And, as you go further, you learn to expand joy and sensation into all of life’s experiences.

There’s only so much that can be understood by hearing about it.  The real thing is to feel it.  So, when you’re ready to experience the transformative effects of Bondassage for yourself, reach out.

In love and light,


Dec 012018

So, we’ve touched upon this before, but it deserves a little reminder.  Have you ever imagined being tied up while your lover teases you to the very edge of ecstasy and beyond?  Thought of a delightfully firm smack on the ass between sexy stimulation?  Maybe you’d like to be on the giving end, tying your lover and edging them until they can’t think straight.  A little bit of bondage, a blindfold, some sensory play.  Maybe you’d like to go even further, indulging forbidden desires that have crept through the very edge of your thoughts, but never been allowed to express themselves?

The thing is, if we’re really honest, every single person in the world has these taboo thoughts.  They are a part of who we are.  Completely natural and, believe it or not, as healthy as can be.  We’re built to get a little wild, to play the edge and tap into a bit of deliciousness.  Or some overwhelming waves of sensation.  We all want to go to some delightfully kinky places.  It’s not a matter of depravity.  Just the opposite, really.  It’s real, and vital, and some of the juiciest play you can let yourself experience.

Letting ourselves explore the taboo is all about acceptance.  Instead of denying our desires, we honour them.  We own our feelings and our naughty thoughts and bring them into the light.  In the process, we create space to explore new territory with our lover.  If things have been a bit stale, tapping into your taboo desires can shake things up and bring in a touch of spice.  If you’ve had the most amazing lovemaking you’ve ever experienced, then stepping up the kink can take things to places you couldn’t even imagine.

The truth is that we all want to go there.  Suppressing these desires means holding a part of ourselves back.  And, the same part that we’re holding back is that aspect of ourselves that becomes lost in passion, that abandons itself to the wild throes of intimate connection.  Listening to these taboo thoughts means accepting ourselves, maybe on a deeper level than we ever have before.  It’s a way of tapping in to our full aliveness.  And that’s priceless.

The beautiful thing about this is that in accepting ourselves, we come to a deeper acceptance of our lover.  More than that, we invite more excitement and delight into our relationship.  Some taboo talk and play can turn a stagnant relationship into a juicy exploration of boundaries and desire.  Some kinky play can turn even the most vanilla of connections into the most amazing sexiness you’ve ever experienced.

So, what is it that you really want?  What secret desires have been hiding behind that veneer of the good little girl or the polite little boy?  Isn’t it time to let them out?

For the coming holiday season, I encourage you to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, the depth of sensuality that you have always deserved.  Just ask yourself, how much better can it get?  And then open the door to find out.

Sensually yours,


Nov 032018

We’re coming close to the end of the year, and I’ve been reflecting on all the changes that the year has brought.  So, I decided to do something a little different with this article and give you all a peek into the inner workings of my business.

I’m blessed to be able to do work that I love.  You all know how much I value touch.  It helps us to get into our bodies, to unlock feeling and step into our deepest pleasure.  And, as a practitioner, that’s what I want to spend my time on, touching bodies and making others feel great.  But, to keep that going there are lots of little details behind the scenes that have to be addressed, just like with any business.

To make my services available to you and all of my clients, one of the biggest keys is the website.  And, with a website comes SEO upkeep, regular blogs and fresh content.  The photos have to be changed to keep things current, content changes to reflect current deals and events.  You may know already about my two websites, and  I’m excited to share that I’ve just launched a new site,, to showcase my lingam massage Hens Parties and other events.  Part of the excitement comes from finally seeing it come together after putting a massive amount of work into it.  And, the work is just beginning, as this means three websites to maintain instead of two.

So, moving on to the other little details, keeping up with the scheduling means that the emails are coming in pretty steadily and the phone is none-stop at times.  And the social media side of things requires a bit of attention: Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus.  None of these do any good without keeping a regular presence.  Add to that printing up cards and getting them out there, doing advertising, writing and sending newsletters.  Branding a new business model, taking new photos and uploading the images.  It seems like as soon as one thing’s been taken care of, there’s another that needs attention.

So, this was just a quick blog to let you know about some of the stuff that happens behind the scenes.  I’m always changing, creating content to educate and inform, and exploring new ways to make the healing power of touch available to you all.  Since I am addressing the business side of things, this is a perfect time to remind you of some of my services.  If you’re on the lookout for bondage, BDSM, or kinky massage in Sydney, I’ve got you covered.  Reach out if you have any questions or you’d like to book an appointment.

It’s taken some time for my building to grow to this point, and even though it requires some upkeep, it’s a huge blessing.  I’m grateful to all of you that I work with now and over the years.  I want to thank you for sharing in this journey with me. 

In love and light


Sep 032018

There seems to be this unwritten assumption that as we get older, it’s time to stop being sexual or sensual.  That we should put our sensual selves and desire nature on the shelf and start acting like “mature older adults”.  What a load of crap!

Maybe you’ve been married for a long time, and things have gotten a bit stale, so the spicier and more intimate parts of the connection have been left by the wayside.  Maybe you’re older and single, and so you’ve come to think that your time should be spent playing bridge and doing needlework.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

For a little inspiration, have a peek at this:

This is the trailer for a movie called Book Club.  It follows the experience of four vital, sexy women in their older years rediscovering their sexuality by reading 50 Shades of Grey and seeing where it takes them, in conversations with one another and in their personal lives.  It’s exciting and juicy, and a perfect example of how we can all continue to blossom into our steamy sexual selves, regardless of our calendar age.

Our orgasmic nature is part of who we are, all through our lives.  It never just goes away.  No matter how many candles are on our cake, we can learn some new tricks at any age.  If you’ve let your imagination go stale, you can always pick it back up and breathe new life into it.

Maybe it’s time to explore some new sexual techniques.  Maybe you’d like to make time for an erotic massage or bring a little spanking into the bedroom.  Or perhaps a blindfold and some delicious sense play.  A bit of light restraint to bring some novelty into the connection and get the juices flowing.  What have you ben fantasising about?  Or what would you like to fantasise about if you let yourself go there?

If you’ve been in a long marriage, bringing in some more play strengthens the connection and keeps things fun.  And you deserve that.  If you’ve been single and thought you had to give up on the idea of steamy, sexy play, it’s time to let go of that silly thought and let yourself be the full orgasmic you that you have been for your entire life.

Our sexual energy doesn’t have to fade as we get older.  In fact, sex can be even better!  We find ourselves in a place where we can be more adventurous and liberated.  We have been around long enough to know what we like and what we want to explore.  Sex in our later years can be even more delicious as we let go of some expectations, slow down, and really savor the experience.  Or let ourselves go all those naughty places that we might have been too shy to play with in years before.  When it comes right down to it, our twilight years can be some of the most sensual we have ever experienced.

So, if this strikes a chord in you, maybe it’s time to rediscover your inner Miss Steele or Mr. Grey.  Maybe it’s time to have a little spank or a tie up.  Maybe it’s time to read some sensual literature to get the imagination going or get your honey (or a new flame!) to spend some time glorying in your body with a sensual massage.  Have some fun and treasure your pleasure!

In love and light,


Jul 012018

Whether you’ve explored that kinky, edgy side of your sexuality or not, it’s there. We all have it. Those hidden desires, those spicy little fantasies. Some curiosity or interest that we might never even talk about. A little ripple of excitement at the thought of a blindfolded sensual encounter, of tying your partner and torturing them with delight, or being tied up to receive some sensual attention.

Whether our love life has been adventurous or “vanilla”, we all share a subtle pull to the taboo side of lovemaking. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, a little spice of pain to enhance the pleasure. BDSM is a part of sexuality, and it always has been. For centuries, it has been practised in the dark, stigmatised, hidden due to judgment and misunderstanding. Only now is it beginning to come into the light and find more widespread acceptance. And, as it does, we’re beginning to understand that BDSM is a key to deep healing, transformation, and a level of excitement that’s hard to find outside of clandestine encounters.

But why is this? What is it about bondage and discipline that makes it so exciting? What is it about dominance and submission that helps us to heal, to find new heights of confidence and bliss?

Part of the answer is self-exploration. When we hide from ourselves, judge ourselves, when we don’t allow our curiosity to flower, then we’re actually cutting ourselves off from some of the depth we can experience. Giving yourself permission to share and play out your fantasies means keeping your love life vital and juicy. This is only the beginning, though. Exploring the shadow side of our sexuality helps us to connect with something deep, powerful, and intense within us. And it helps us to bring this confidence and power into every aspect of our lives.

Here are some of the keys that we unlock with BDSM, and with any deep self-exploration:

1. Surrender

Surrender is powerful. It might not seem so at first. Especially in a society that values control, it might be completely counterintuitive to think of surrender as a strength. But the thing is that we can’t control everything. And it’s exhausting to try. We can’t control the curveballs that the world throws us. We can’t ensure that other people see us in a certain way, or think about us in a certain way. We can’t even suppress and hide all of those things about ourselves that we have yet to accept. Surrender means coming to terms with that.

BDSM is a key for true surrender, in a way that goes to the core of our being. When we work to maintain control, to try to make things happen instead of allowing them to happen, we actually block out some of the most exquisite sensations. We stay in the head instead of getting present and embodied. BDSM, especially in a loving and consensual environment, gives us an opportunity to surrender. And, when we do, we find a place of delicious sensation and juicy excitement. We are finally able to drop the image, the expectations, all the ways we try to control, and just feel what there is to feel. And this stays with us even after our play, helping us to ease into life from a place of allowing.

2. Trust

Trust is huge. It can be a challenge to trust others. Sometimes, it can be a challenge to trust ourselves. But from a space of distrust, suspicion, and guardedness, we close off to the world, and close off to our feelings. Exploring your taboo desires means taking a leap and trusting your partner. Communicating with them about what you would like to experience. Sharing those fantasies that you might never have mentioned to anyone before. That means being really vulnerable, and it can be scary. What if they are turned off by my fantasy? What if they don’t like it or they judge me for it? There’s no way to feel comfortable about these taboo desires until we start to share them. And then, more often than not, we find that our partner is just as curious, ready to explore some new territory and excited about where it could lead.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Bringing it into the relationship and into the bedroom can keep things really spicy. And, once again, as we learn to share and allow ourselves to be seen, as our partner shows us that we can trust them, that we can share without fear of judgment, we learn to treat ourselves the same way. This allows us to step out into the world with greater confidence, knowing what we want, and knowing that it’s more than ok to want it. It’s not only natural, our desires are thrilling and powerful.

3. Patience and Presence

How often do you find yourself rushing through one thing, only to move on and rush through the next? And if you feel this way, you’re not alone. So many of us are so caught up in the next thing that we can’t fully enjoy what we’re doing right now. This plays out in sex as well, and it’s a shame. Because our sexual sharing can be the most exquisite, intimate aspect of human experience, and often it’s reduced to just going through the motions.

Part of the reason behind this is expectation and performance. Somewhere along the way, many of us pick up some ideas about what sex should be. What needs to happen during the experience. How we need to perform in order to “measure up”. And, with all these thoughts rolling around, it’s hard to feel ourselves and our partner. Only a fraction of our being is really there.

BDSM helps to break out of the expectations and explore completely new territory. It helps us to slow down and savour the experience, to soak up the sensation and let it lead us where it wants. There’s no headlong rush to orgasm, but a slow build of excitement and feeling. There’s no script. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.

The beautiful thing about this is that it teaches us to slow down and really feel where we are. Think about it. How beautiful life could be if we really tasted that cup of coffee. If we were able to feel the sun on our skin and soak in the deliciousness of it. We are surrounded by exquisiteness in every moment, full of orgasmic potential. BDSM helps us to slow down and really tune in to what we are experiencing.

Letting yourself explore means embracing yourself as a whole. Accepting yourself, and connecting with levels of confidence, power, and sensuality that you may never have suspected. So what fantasies have been rolling around for you? What taboo desires have been hiding, unvoiced within you? Take a leap. Share what you really want, and see where things go from there.

In love and light,


May 012018

Bondage has been part of the sex life for people all across the world for hundreds of years. But for many, it has been considered taboo, kept behind closed doors and spoken of only in a whisper. Thankfully, that has been changing over the last few years. Odds are, if you haven’t gotten a bit kinky in the bedroom, you have in your fantasies. If it’s time to bring these fantasies to life – and into the light – here are a few things you need to know.

First of all, what is bondage, anyway? And why is it so exciting?

Unless you have experience in the world of BDSM, it’s easy to have some misconceptions about it. On the surface, bondage is exactly what it sounds like: the use of ties, bindings, or restraints to enhance the sexual experience. But it really goes much deeper than that.

Handcuffs and blindfolds come into the scene often, but the core of bondage is trust. It’s about surrendering to your partner, or having them surrender to you. In the process, we are able to let go, become totally absorbed in the sensation, and allow ourselves to be held in a luscious sensual space. On top of that, bondage is a light entry to BDSM, helping us to explore our taboo fantasies and push our boundaries, and to make some really exciting discoveries in the process.

So, when it comes time to spice up your love life with a little kink, here are a few easy tips to get you started:

1. Talk About It

Sometimes, this is the hardest part. If you and your lover have been having vanilla sex over the course of your relationship, you may feel nervous broaching the subject. One way to ease into it is to plant a seed. You may want to bring in some erotic fiction or a sexy film. This can get the idea floating around, and maybe even change your lover’s perspective.

From there, you can start to share some of your fantasies, and open the floor for your partner to share theirs. Explore what turns your partner on – and off. See where they’ve been going in their taboo daydreams. They may surprise you. Plus, even if you never choose to go there physically, it’s incredibly hot to go into some of the exciting things you can explore together in the bedroom. This conversation alone can lead to some steamy sensual time.

2. Trust is Key

I know, I mentioned this above. But remember, bondage is about surrender. And you want to make sure that you trust the person that you relinquish your power to. So, this may not be best to explore with that new Tinder date or the person you’ve just met. Make sure you feel comfortable and safe with them. When shared between consensual adults on a foundation of loving, conscious communication, bondage can be both thrilling and deeply healing.

3. Go Slow at First

Here’s where a common misconception comes in. For those who haven’t explored BDSM, it may conjure images of whips and chains, intense fetish play, gags and blindfolds. And, though you may wish to explore this all in time, it can be a bit overwhelming all at once. The truth is, there is an entire spectrum of bondage play, from simply holding the arms down during sex to some of the wildest and most out there fantasies you can imagine – and probably some you can’t! And light bondage play can be just as exciting as the more intense stuff, especially at first.

Basically, you want to meet where both you and your lover are comfortable, not jump off into the deep end before you’re ready. So, start with simple things. A blindfold is a nice start, and it’s a great way for you or your partner to tune out the visuals and just focus on sensation. Plus, they’re non-intimidating, and can help your partner to feel comfortable with this new sexual exploration. And you don’t need a store-bought blindfold for this; a silk scarf, tie, or pair of tights will work just as well.

When it’s time to move into more official bondage territory, light restraints are an excellent starting point. Practice your knots beforehand so that you know how to untie them easily and quickly. You may even want to work with Velcro or easy- release clips. And avoid things like ties or nylons for restraints. Ties can tighten into difficult to remove knots, and because of the stretch factor, nylons can become uncomfortably tight under pressure. As you explore with your lover, each of you will have new inspirations come in, so you can follow the flow to take your journey from there.

4. Communication is Essential!

The talking doesn’t stop once the play begins. In fact, this is one of the most exciting things about exploring BDSM with your partner. It can get you both talking, sharing about how you feel in the moment, about what you want to feel.
If you’re in the dominant position, check in with your partner. And, if you’re in the submissive position, share how it feels. Is it what you want? Are you coming closer to a boundary that you aren’t ready to cross? Speak up!

Since this is a mutual exploration, there may be things that you don’t know you like until you move into that territory. That’s why, in BDSM, there are soft and hard limits. Soft limits are those areas that we may be hesitant about, but are willing to try if the mood takes us there. Hard limits are absolute “no’s” where to go there is a violation of trust. Remember SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

One of the most important aspects for BDSM is a safe word. This is a word or phrase that you and your lover have agreed upon that signals a “stop!” to the action, whatever that might be in the moment. The more outlandish, the better, so long as it’s a word or phrase that you will both remember and recognise immediately. One common approach for beginners is the traffic light system. Green for “Oh my God, keep going!”, Yellow for “Slow down, take it easy I’m nearing a hard limit”, and Red for “STOP”.

5. Who’s in Charge?

When entering into bondage play, one person is the dominant partner, and the other is the submissive one. One holds the reins, and the other surrenders. But it doesn’t have to be the same person each time. And honestly, before you begin to explore how you feel in each role, you won’t know what you really like.

The best way is to feel into it, to sample each role and see where it takes you. Plus, you may find that you – or your lover – may prefer to be a dom on one day and a sub on the next. There’s no rule that says you always have to take the same role. Again, it’s all about communication, and exploring what turns you both on.

These are just a few tips to get you started. Once you do, you’ll find that the mood will take you into places you both enjoy, and this is part of the beauty of the journey. It’s an exploration and a mutual discovery.

Final tip: Keep it simple at first. You don’t need loads of expensive toys to begin your play – though they can be heaps of fun once you hit your stride. At first, you can just get creative with what you have around the house – ice cubes, feathers, chop sticks, a hairbrush. You’ll be amazed at all the sensations you can bring into your play once you get inspired. Have fun and get excited!

In love and light,