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Apr 042019

It’s incredibly exciting to bring some variety and kink into the bedroom.  Bringing some delicious new sensual play into your experience can breathe new life into a relationship or bring an already awesome intimate connection to new heights of delight.  But this can be intimidating, too.  Where do we start?  If it’s new territory, it’s only natural to be a bit nervous or awkward.  So here are a few tips for helping you to explore this new space, to step into it like a pro so your lover can relax and get the most out of the experience.

1. Make it about them

This is a big one.  Sometimes we fall into old patterns.  I do this, you do that.  And we both get something out of the experience.  And then once it’s over, we’re wondering if we’ve performed well, if it was good for them, etc.  Instead of focusing on the sensations, we’ve gotten lost in mind and expectations.

The best way to avoid this pitfall is to set up a time for one person to receive, and the other to give.  Let the receiver just relax and focus on the sensations and energies of the moment.  And let the giver tune in to their lover, focusing completely on worshipping their body and giving them the most incredible experience they can have.  If it goes further, amazing.  But that’s not the goal.  Just let the energy take the experience where it wants to go.

2. Set and Setting

Believe it or not, how you set up the room can have a big impact on your sensual play.  The goal here is to arrange the environment for the most comfort possible.  Relaxed, comfortable lighting is ideal.  Try to get the temperature just right, warm and comfortable without being too hot.  Make sure that the space is clear so that nothing is in the way.  And make the preparations beforehand.  Have the oils ready and warmed, bring in any toys, restraints, blindfolds, or other implements that you’d like to have on hand during the session.  By the time your lover enters the room, you want the mood set so that they’re ready to relax and surrender to the experience.  Even if you’ve discussed preferences beforehand (which is really important), you want the moment itself to be a romantic surprise.

3. Eliminate distractions

There’s no one way to do a Bondassage session or sensual massage for your lover.  But, one key is to make it easy for them to let go and become absorbed in the feeling.  Blindfolds are a great way to ease into this, especially if this is a new experience for you.  Visual input can distract us and make it easier to go into the mind instead of the body.  So, consider investing in a comfortable blindfold that blocks out light and keeps your lover wondering where the next touch will land.  Headphones are another great addition.  Go for a pair that’s high-quality – and again, comfortable – and play soft, sensual music for your lover to relax into.  This combination will help your partner to tune in to the body and nothing else.  It’s amazing how much it heightens sensation.

4. Use the right massage oil!

This is easy to overlook, but pretty important.  The oil should be organic, or at the very least edible.  You want to be able to take your time, making it slow, intentional, and supremely intimate.  And, you want to be able to grace your partner’s skin with kisses, tongue, and lips.  One of the best options for this is organic virgin coconut oil.  It lasts for the length of the massage, and it’s healthy for the body and the skin.  Make sure to warm it up beforehand.  Just place the bottle under a faucet with warm water for a few minutes before you begin.  

5. Plan for a variety of different sensations

Here’s one place where you can get really creative.  You don’t have to invest in a bunch of different toys to bring in sensations.  Consider using a light scarf to graze your lover’s skin.  Or using the tines of a fork to lightly trace different parts of their body.  Fur or a feather can bring in a luscious, teasing sensation.  And, if you have discussed this beforehand, you might enjoy some more intense sensory play, like some light spanking or a vibrator.  Temperature can be delicious in these spaces as well.  You can use an ice cube to let drops fall on your lover’s skin.  And you don’t have to confine your touch to toys.  You can create all sorts of different sensations with the hands alone.  Light touches with the fingertips, deeper pressure with the palms, friction on both sides of the legs or arms to bring in heat and treat the body to a new feeling.  Lips, tongue, and breath bring in an even broader variety of touches, letting you cascade your lover with all manner of juiciness.  Tune in and see what they enjoy in the moment!

6. Take it slow!

Remember, you aren’t rushing to an orgasm.  This is a moment to serenade your lover with sensation.  You’ll probably end up focusing on the erogenous zones and genitals as the experience builds, but let the experience take you there in its own time.  Give loving attention to your partner’s entire body.  Massage the shoulders, hands, feet, arms, and legs.  Spend time on the buttocks and back.  Build the sensation gradually and bring it slowly into the sexier spaces.  And, once things start to get really hot, pull back.  And then build it up again.  This is edging, bringing the sensation close to orgasm over and over until your lover can’t take it anymore and explodes with delight!  The slower you go, the more intense this release will be.  Invite feedback so your partner can tell you what feels good, what they want more of, and where they would like to be touched.

7. Bring some full body connection into the experience

At some point, your partner’s entire body will be covered in oil.  You’ve worked all the way up from their toes to their head or from the head on down.  One beautiful addition to the experience is to bring your own body into connection with theirs.  You can slide your chest against their legs, back or belly, bringing your whole body into the massage and create a luscious sensual experience for both of you.  This is also a fun way to move into position for some passionate kissing.  It’s incredibly hot to feel your lover in full contact with you, nothing in between and focused only on the feeling of skin against skin.

So now you’ve got some pointers, and you’re ready to play!  Try out these tips and see where they take you.  Remember to get creative and to tune in to your partner through the whole experience.  Each person is different, and we may want different feelings on one day than we do on another, or even from one moment to the next.

If you’d like some more pointers or to experience a Bondassage session for yourself, feel free to reach out. 

With love and light,


Feb 052019
Bondassage: the most delicious form of sensual domination you’ll ever experience

One of the biggest blocks many of us have is around our sexuality.  When we have doubts about our sexual nature, it reduces our self-esteem, fostering insecurity and doubt.  This is as true for women as it is for men.  And it’s just the beginning.  When our feeling nature is blocked, we can’t enjoy life to the fullest.  Sexuality can be a source of stress, rather than a beautiful joyous exploration.

The thing is, even with a loving partner, it can be hard to get past these blocks.  Unconscious sexuality is performance-based, rushing to orgasm rather than losing ourselves in sensation.  We can so easily get in our heads, wondering if we’re doing it right, if we’re good enough.  We can worry about our technique, whether or not our bodies are responding as they should, all sorts of things that interfere with the experience.

This is why it’s so beautiful to work with a Bondassage professional.  When you have a Bondassage session, you work with an experienced professional whose entire goal is to help you reach your full capacity for pleasure.  During the massage, they hold space for you to feel and to surrender to this feeling.  You can just let yourself open to the sensations.  There’s no right or wrong way.  There’s no goal.  The experience can just take you wherever it takes you, and wherever it goes is exactly right.

Some benefits are obvious and tangible.  After a session with a tantric therapist, your stress levels will be lower.  You’ll sleep better.  The quality of your orgasm improves and you’ll develop greater control over your climaxes.  Plus, you’ll find that you have fewer issues around impotence, premature ejaculation, or the inability to orgasm, if these things have challenged you in the past.  And, as your sexual energy and drive become stronger, your self-esteem and confidence will improve as well.  And all this, though quite a bit in itself, is just the beginning.

Going further, Bondassage helps you to slow down and feel the sensual experience.  It helps you tune in to your body and build sensation, breathing it through your body.  This is the tantric aspect of Bondassage.  The massage is an opportunity to deepen your understanding of what your body likes, how it enjoys being touched.  It helps you learn to expand your pleasure through the breath, to bring sexual energy from your genitals throughout your entire body.  And, most powerfully, it can teach you the practice of the body orgasm, of turning your sexual energy inwards and building it until it becomes almost overwhelming.

After feeling this for yourself, you can then bring these techniques into your sexual experiences with your lover.  You can work on slowing it down, playing with the sensation.  But it takes some practice.  It’s so easy to speed things up with unconscious sexuality.  To go faster and rush to orgasm.  When you work with a Bondassage therapist, you learn to relax, breathe, and feel.  It helps you learn to drop expectations or thoughts of performance and drop into the body.  After even a couple of sessions, you’ll find a profound shift in your love life.  And, as you go further, you learn to expand joy and sensation into all of life’s experiences.

There’s only so much that can be understood by hearing about it.  The real thing is to feel it.  So, when you’re ready to experience the transformative effects of Bondassage for yourself, reach out.

In love and light,


Dec 012018

So, we’ve touched upon this before, but it deserves a little reminder.  Have you ever imagined being tied up while your lover teases you to the very edge of ecstasy and beyond?  Thought of a delightfully firm smack on the ass between sexy stimulation?  Maybe you’d like to be on the giving end, tying your lover and edging them until they can’t think straight.  A little bit of bondage, a blindfold, some sensory play.  Maybe you’d like to go even further, indulging forbidden desires that have crept through the very edge of your thoughts, but never been allowed to express themselves?

The thing is, if we’re really honest, every single person in the world has these taboo thoughts.  They are a part of who we are.  Completely natural and, believe it or not, as healthy as can be.  We’re built to get a little wild, to play the edge and tap into a bit of deliciousness.  Or some overwhelming waves of sensation.  We all want to go to some delightfully kinky places.  It’s not a matter of depravity.  Just the opposite, really.  It’s real, and vital, and some of the juiciest play you can let yourself experience.

Letting ourselves explore the taboo is all about acceptance.  Instead of denying our desires, we honour them.  We own our feelings and our naughty thoughts and bring them into the light.  In the process, we create space to explore new territory with our lover.  If things have been a bit stale, tapping into your taboo desires can shake things up and bring in a touch of spice.  If you’ve had the most amazing lovemaking you’ve ever experienced, then stepping up the kink can take things to places you couldn’t even imagine.

The truth is that we all want to go there.  Suppressing these desires means holding a part of ourselves back.  And, the same part that we’re holding back is that aspect of ourselves that becomes lost in passion, that abandons itself to the wild throes of intimate connection.  Listening to these taboo thoughts means accepting ourselves, maybe on a deeper level than we ever have before.  It’s a way of tapping in to our full aliveness.  And that’s priceless.

The beautiful thing about this is that in accepting ourselves, we come to a deeper acceptance of our lover.  More than that, we invite more excitement and delight into our relationship.  Some taboo talk and play can turn a stagnant relationship into a juicy exploration of boundaries and desire.  Some kinky play can turn even the most vanilla of connections into the most amazing sexiness you’ve ever experienced.

So, what is it that you really want?  What secret desires have been hiding behind that veneer of the good little girl or the polite little boy?  Isn’t it time to let them out?

For the coming holiday season, I encourage you to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, the depth of sensuality that you have always deserved.  Just ask yourself, how much better can it get?  And then open the door to find out.

Sensually yours,