We live in a busy world. Lots of pressures, lots of demands, and it can be easy to get caught in a cycle. Rushing from one thing to the next, and thinking about what’s ahead the whole time. On top of that, since we were young, we’ve been surrounded by “shoulds” and “ought tos”, things that are ok, and things that aren’t.
The result, all too often, is that we live in our heads. Focused on something in the future rather than what’s right here in front of us. Thinking, planning, strategising, making stories. Worrying about things that haven’t happened and might never happen. About what we should do or say. Playing games and roles, sometimes without ever realising that we’re going through the motions. Wearing masks even in front of ourselves. And cutting off that sense of feeling which makes life meaningful, joyful, exciting, and truly worth living.
This is what I love about tantra, about Bondassage, about holding space for others to move into a greater depth of feeling. It happens naturally, as soon as we allow ourselves to slow down. Once we let go of what the future might bring, even for just a moment, once we start to tune into our sensations, our feelings, a huge weight begins to ease off, one that we might not even have realised we were carrying around.
It goes deeper, too. So often we’re taught that our desires are wrong. That we shouldn’t feel this, shouldn’t want that. But making our feelings and desires wrong doesn’t make them go away. They are a part of us, signals from within that guide us to fulfil our needs, to step into the joy and vitality life has to offer us.
Tantra is a practice of allowing, accepting, of coming to feel that all parts of us are welcome in this moment, and in each moment. And, though there might be some understandings connected with it, the core of the process is feeling. Getting into the body, getting present, using the most sensual aspect of our experience as a medium for moving past our judgment of ourselves, for moving into acceptance on the deepest level, in this moment and each moment.
When we’re living in our heads, in the future, stuck in intellect and judgment, we get tight. We contract, closing our feelings down, both emotionally and in the body. But a beautiful, conscious, sensual experience can help us to open up, to let the tightness ease off, and to begin feeling again. Emotions that have been bottled up for ages come flooding out. Tensions that we’ve been holding in our bodies slip away, and a sense of peaceful presence comes in that makes every aspect of life more enjoyable, richer and more dynamic.
Our natural state is orgasmic, filled with joy and gratitude for all the richness and beauty of the moment. And the key to coming back is feeling, allowing, accepting. Opening up to allow all that life to offer us to come in. And it’s easy, really. Fun. Juicy. Exciting. The deepest and most lasting gift we can give ourselves is the willingness to show up for ourselves, right now. Right here. To drop our judgment and control, and simply allow our feeling sense of guide the way.