For many of us, our first initiation into bondage play is via spanking. A bit of playful spanking is often seen as no big deal, and it can be a regular part of most people’s sex lives. But there’s a lot more to spanking than just whacking your partner’s bum without much thought or attention. When spanking is done sensually and seductively, it takes on a very different quality. Learn how to spank properly and you’ll transform a quick swat-on-the-ass into something much more erotic.
Assume the position
First, pick a position that feels comfortable for you both. The spankee can lie across the spanker’s lap, position themselves on all fours, bend over a chair or stand up against a wall. Find a pose that feels naughty, or inviting, or sexy. Experiment and find out what works for you.
It’s really important to warm up those cheeks before going in heavy-handed. Don’t go too fast, or too hard, as you can cause a lot of pain. Start soft and build up. A couple of light swats with the palm of the hand will warm the area up nicely. Your aim is to make the bum turn a very light shade of pink, increasing sensitivity in readiness for a firmer spank. Throw in a couple of caresses and rub the area after your warm-up strokes. Experiment with different types of strokes to build sensation up slowly.
Yep, you guessed it — communication is as important here as it is with most forms of bondage. Check in with your partner as you go, and find out how firm they like it. Try and read their body language. How much are they tensing up? Are they making sounds of pleasure and enjoyment? Is it alright with them to move from using your hand to a paddle or riding crop? Ask for feedback as you go, and don’t surprise them with something too intense without making sure it’s ok first.
If you’d like to incorporate toys, there are a vast array of crops, switches and flogging tools to experiment with. The trick with all of them is to slowly build the intensity, and aim for the ‘sweet spot’, usually found on the lower parts of the cheeks. Go gently on the back of the thighs, and always avoid the backs of the knees, tailbone and spine. Some more advanced spankers target the genitals, but avoid this area too, unless you really know what you’re doing.
It can often be daunting to feel that you’re inflicting pain on your partner — even in an erotic scenario. If so, keep it light and fun, and focus on the playful aspects of spanking, at least to begin with.
Spanking can be a fascinating way to play around with gender dynamics, make yourself vulnerable and experience what it’s like to be a dominant woman, or a submissive man. It can be as innocent and playful, or as boundary-pushing and forceful as you want to make it. Just figure out what aspect of it you’re interested in exploring, and work together to make it happen!