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Mar 012016
Stone wall, photographed by eiffel

Stone wall, photographed by eiffel


What does it make you think of? A battlefield? An argument? In this busy ego-driven world, surrender is a bad word. We don’t give up. We push ahead. Take control. Keep ourselves under control, and try to extend that to every facet of our lives. But what if we’re missing something?

To surrender means to let go. To let that control that we have cultivated to the breaking point slip, and let something else in. This is one of the most powerful lessons we can learn in life, and it’s especially meaningful in the realm of intimacy. Feeling. Emotion and connection. When we maintain absolute control, we can no longer feel. We have built the walls so high, so strong, that feeling can’t break through them. Letting go means taking the first step towards regaining that authentic sensuality and orgasmic tenderness that we all crave.

This can be challenging in relationship, in sexual connection, especially. Each of us has picked up ideas that condition our expectations of sexuality. We try to control our sexual experience, to perform, to conform to these expectations. And the best way to tap back in to real feeling and authentic connection is to practice the art of surrender. Our control is so deeply engrained that we often need help with this. This is where the art of bondassage can be so helpful. It is a practice of surrender in our sexual play, a return to real feeling and real intimacy.

Sexual encounters in the modern era are often a headlong rush to orgasm, role-playing without even realizing that we are doing it. Matching the expectations we project that others have of our performance, cutting off true feeling and playing our part without really feeling it. But we can open to a level of sensation and ecstatic bliss that we never imagined possible. All it takes is to let go.

Bondassage creates a safe space where you can really surrender. You can let go of the expectations, the roles, the projection and the performance. In the process, you open up to feeling. And that is the most exciting thing of all. Sex should be a beautiful, bliss-filled sharing, exciting, spontaneous, and delicious. When you step back and receive, allowing the sensations to play across your body, you reconnect with the self, with the body, with all of the delicate nerve endings, and the orgasmic potential of every cell. You move back to the space where you can share that sense of loving ecstatic connection with your partner, without the games or the numbness.

Once you let go, whole new realms of sensation and excitement open up to you. But letting go takes practice. We have to have the space to open up and let feeling in again. Every time we do it, though, it becomes easier. We connect more and more to the body, drop more of the walls, and move from the habit of control to the delicious surrender that is the foundation of bliss.

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