Kink is exciting. It can spice up an already juicy sex life, and bring a spark back into the bedroom when the fires have been growing dim. Many couples are interested in exploring how BDSM can rev up their sexual experience, but it can be hard to know where to start. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that kinky sexual play is wrong, or it’s the sort of thing that “other” people do. Even when both partners are curious, the subject might not come up because both feel afraid to talk about it or unsure how to broach the subject. So here are a few tips for those of you who want to bring more excitement into the bedroom, while showing your partner you respect and value them.

1. Communication

One of the biggest obstacles to a truly fulfilling relationship is a lack of communication. This is even more true for developing and maintaining a really juicy sex life with your partner. If you want to bring kink into the relationship, you have to begin with a firm foundation of trust and respect. Be open to what your partner has to express. Open up the conversation to hear about their desires and fantasies. You may be surprised at what comes up, and it’s guaranteed to be exciting. There’s nothing more sexy than being heard and accepted when you’re sharing your deepest and most vulnerable desires. Kink doesn’t need to be a joke, and there’s no reason to fear it or be embarrassed by it. In fact, it is a bonus in a healthy love life, something that can bring the heat back into the bedroom when things have gotten a bit stale. When you open up and share with your loved one, you open the door to a whole new world of exploration and excitement.

2. Do Your Homework

When you take the first step into unknown territory, things can get a little clumsy. While a bit of feeling it out is necessary when exploring the frontiers of conscious kink, one of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to bring kink in without really knowing what they’re doing. Kink isn’t something you parrot from what you’ve seen in porn movies. Many of us have a distorted understanding of BDSM and sensory play from things we’ve seen on TV or heard from others, and many of these things are exaggerated or misrepresented.

S&M sessions, when done respectfully, are agreed upon in advance. They are respectful of the comfort levels of both individuals, and done with the absolute consent of the submissive, the partner that relinquishes control. In reality, the sub, or submissive, actually controls the experience. Furthermore, respect and loving attention in BDSM means providing aftercare to the sub to allow them to return from subspace gracefully and gently. These are just a few details that everyone should be aware of before stepping into kinky play, but don’t stop there. There are a number of books that give solid and clear details for every aspect of BDSM. In fact, perusing the material with your lover can be a beautiful introduction to sensory play. Here are a few to get you started:

• The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino
• Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers by Jaeleen Bennis & Eve Minax
• Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual, and Entertaining Essays by Midori

3. Take it Slow

One of the most common mistakes made when people first step into the world of sensory play is to rush straight into experiences that your partner isn’t prepared for. Even the subtlest edge of kink can be incredibly for those who haven’t dipped their feet into the pool, and bringing out the big guns can be pretty intimidating when it’s your first time. Start slow, bringing a little touch of spanking here, a bit of bondage there. Work your way into it so that you and your partner are on the same page, eager to explore whatever level of sensory play that both of you are comfortable with. Verbal role-play is a beautiful introduction, and if you’d like to try bondage, work with silk scarves first. Taking it slow lets you adapt to your partners comfort levels and desires, and makes for a much more conscious (and safer) experience than leaping in headfirst.

4. Give Yourself Room to Learn

Many people hesitate to bring in role-play or sensory play because they’re afraid of “doing it wrong.” They might feel silly when they imagine themselves tying up their partner, stepping into the role of dom, or incorporating spanking into the bedroom for the first time. It’s easy to freeze up when we are afraid of doing things imperfectly, not performing up to our imagined standards. The most important thing to remember is that BDSM is meant to be a fun and fulfilling experience for both involved. It’s sexual play, not performance or perfection. Let the feeling be light and easy. It’s all about the connection between you and your lover. There’s no one to impress, and we all need time to grow into the experience. It’s alright to fumble, fart, or otherwise drop the character when it naturally slips. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, and let a laugh ease the tension when things come up. The more you can both have fun and play, the more fulfilling the experience will be.

Couples don’t usually start out kinky. It’s something you grow into over time. While some of us are natural sexual explorers, most have been introduced to it by a partner and found it exciting and fun. Introducing sensory play and bondage into the bedroom is often a result of one partner opening up about their fantasies, and the other giving them a chance to indulge in their desires. And if things are done with love, consciousness, and respect, the result is deeply rewarding. The willingness to try new things and step out of comfort zones is the key to stepping into a world of new passion and excitement. The other half of that is respect. Kinky play is a shared experience, a mutual expansion of boundaries and exploration of possibilities. If you’re willing to take the opportunity to co-create new experiences with your lover, you’ll bring a thrill into a good sex-life, and might even rescue one that has run the risk of declining into boredom. Take a chance, and be open to feedback. You’ll step into a new level of satisfaction, excitement, and fulfillment.

by André Karwath

Every different tool offers its own unique sensation, from floggers to fur, feathers to scarves. Sensation play is an opportunity to let your creativity flow and see what happens. And you don’t need to spend loads of money on your play—you can find heaps of interesting and fun sensation tools around the home. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Silk Scarves

The silk scarf is a beautiful and versatile Bondassage tool. One way you can bring it into your play is as a blindfold. Take your time and be sensual with the scarf when blindfolding your partner, allowing them to feel the sensation of the material. Or you may drape the scarf up and down upon your lovers skin, gliding it along the body, allowing them to feel the sensation of the silk scarf to excite and arouse.

2. Combs or Forks

You might not have considered these as exquisite sensory tools, but a fork or comb brushed along the skin can be incredibly exciting. Try these along the inside of the thigh or down the side under the ribs. A subtle touch can drive your partner wild. These tools can bring the attention into a fine point and heighten the senses. The fine points can tease your partner and get them ready for hotter play.

3. Chocolate and Fresh Fruit

The use of taste for erotic pleasure is often overlooked, but it can add a beautiful spice to the Bondassage session. You can start by using them for sensory play, like sliding a moist grape against the nipple or along the sensitive skin of the lips. Take your time and enjoy these lush sensations, and remember that offering tastes of food can be highly erotic for some people. Little nibbles between sexual talk or sensual touch can increase arousal immensely. You can also tease your lover by rubbing or drizzling tastes onto their body, and then licking them off, honey or dripping chocolate for example. Anyone hungry?

4. Fur and Feathers

Brushing fur or gliding a feather against the naked skin brings in a luxurious and exotic feeling. These light sensory tools can be extremely erotic. Fur and feathers feel amazing when stroked along any area of the body. Bringing them into the play can heighten sensitivity and bring your lover fully into their body. Subtle strokes can be some of the most delicious sensations.

5. Paddles, Crops, and Floggers

Sensory deprivation is a part of the Bondassage session, as well as light restraint and sensory play, but some people like a bit more intensity. Bringing spanking into the play can ramp up the passion in a heartbeat. They make a beautiful counterpoint to the lighter forms of sensation like fur and feathers, and bring a variety of different feelings into the sensory play. A light cane or paddle can bring in a sting, a superficial pain that bites or tingles, increasing circulation to the skin and waking the senses up. This is a great warm-up to get your lover ready for more intensity.

These are just a few of the sensory tools you can use to excite, tease, arouse, and delight your partner. Have fun with it! Take a look around the house and see what you come up with. Sharing a hunt around the house with your partner can be an erotic bit of foreplay in itself. Get creative. You’ll discover a treasure trove of sensation and hours of delicious play.

Relationships are as unique as the people that form them.  No two are alike.   We all have different needs, desires, boundaries, and goals.  Our relationships are a reflection of our own personal needs, which is why we seek someone we are compatible with.  Even though every single connection is individual, we all share certain needs and desires.  There are things we all need to be fully met in relationship, and these things form the foundation of any healthy connection.  These may be simple, but they are the keys to happy relating.

1. Respect

No one is perfect, but everyone has something beautiful to bring to the table.  In order for a relationship to be healthy, you have to respect your partner’s views, feelings, thoughts, and needs.  And it’s a two-way street.  Having respect for one another in the relationship is the foundation of trust. If there’s no trust, it won’t last.

2. Sharing your feelings without fear

When we respect one another’s feelings, we move into a space of acceptance.  A healthy relationship allows each partner to share their feelings without worrying about how the other will respond.  Leaving things unsaid, even if it keeps things smooth in the moment, is sure to allow the relationship to sour.  If we are afraid to say what we feel, the distance between us grows.  And sharing those uncomfortable bits actually helps the relationship to deepen.

3. Authenticity

Authenticity means being real.  It means being open and honest.  We all need to have honest and clear communication.  And there are times when this is hard, when we feel uncomfortable “going there.”  But if you don’t they won’t.  Lies and half-truths create distance in a relationship.  They keep us apart from one another.  Lack of open, honest communication is a sure way to kill even the most beautiful connection.

4. Attention and Consideration

Being in a relationship is all about really connecting.  It’s about sharing time, attention, and care with your loved one.  I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not seen and heard.  Do you?  Life can get busy and we all have times when there’s a lot on our plates, but if we aren’t sharing time and giving one another attention, we’re on the road to no relationship at all.  If you want your love to last, make it a priority.

5. Trust and Personal Responsibility

Trust is essential in any healthy relationship.  We have to know that our partner cares and that they’re willing to do what’s best for us.  This opens the door for trust.  And if you want to receive it, you have to be willing to give it.  This means taking responsibility.  We each have to make a commitment to honoring our partner and doing what’s necessary to keep the bond strong.

Relationships are living, growing things.  They are delicate, able to be created or destroyed with a single decision.  They take work.  Love alone is not enough to keep a bond strong.  We also have to have a willingness to nurture the connection and keep it alive.  Loving connection requires care and tending in order to stick around, but the benefits of a healthy relationship far outweigh the costs.

So it’s time to ask yourself, do you have these things in your relationship?  Are you willing to do what it takes to keep love alive?  And is your partner just as willing?  Are you both taking responsibility for keeping the love strong?

Bondage rope is a love tool that is associated with many intriguing concepts – the damsel in distress, the restrained superhero – that send the pulse racing with excitement. Knowing how to select and use this lovely piece of equipment in your own boudoir will bring the particular magic of a braided coil right into your hands…or around them, as the case may be!

Discover Your Sensations

If you’ve never played with or experimented with rope in a sensual way, you probably think of it as being rough and scratchy like twine, or smooth and plastic like boating line. In reality, there are a delightful number of bondage ropes made especially for the sensual arts, with materials, construction and even colors created to appeal to the senses. Two of the most popular types are jute – made from the plant of the same name – and hemp, which is created from non-THC bearing (non “drug”) marijuana plants. Other more exotic options include bamboo fiber rope, silk rope and manmade nylon rope, the latter of which can even be purchased in a glow in the dark form. All of these are available in different diameters ranging from twine-thin to 5 millimeter clothesline rope and larger, and can be easily and discreetly purchased from online retailers.

Safe, Satisfying Play

Rope is a wonderful addition to an adult bedroom collection, but certain rules need to be followed to ensure it is used safely. The person doing the tying up should be aware of dangerous constriction points – never tie a loop around the neck, for example – and have a quick way of removing the rope if there’s trouble, such as a pair of scissors or knife capable of easily cutting away knots or complicated ties without putting the “wearer” in danger of cuts or punctures. In general, many rope enthusiasts follow the “two finger” rule for safe blood circulation during a tying session: you should be able to easily slip two fingers in between the rope and the restrained individual’s skin. Remember: always communicate with your partner before trying out new toys, and keep in constant contact with their state of well being throughout your playtime – this will eliminate a great deal of potential issues.

Care and Keeping of Bondage Rope

Like fine leather bondage toys or clothing, bondage rope must be carefully stored between uses to maintain good flexibility and a long lifespan. Periodically using a manufacturer-specified oil to condition the rope, or tying the rope in a pillowcase and tossing it in with a mild detergent in the washing machine on a gentle cycle will help prolong its new look and feel. Store rope in a ‘hank’ by using a figure 8 tied around itself. Additionally, keep the ends away from curious pets and children, who may accidentally unwind the braid.

If you want to experiment with rope but feel a little nervous, ask a bondage or sensuality professional to help you choose a beginner set, or have them tie you up to experience rope firsthand. There are pre-made rope cuffs on the market, as well as lavishly illustrated books and videos that can help you learn the art of bondage rope knots and ties. Bondage rope is fun, exhilarating and exciting – once you pick up your first coil of rope, you may never want to put it down!